Nobody's Hero
by Dean's Little Secret
Summary: The real tragedy is not the act itself, but the mess it leaves behind. Warning inside
1. Chapter 1

**Warning: Rape (graphic) violence, one too many swear words and trust me when I say that this story is not for the faint hearted, seriously, we got angst coming from all directions.**

**Disclaimer: Don't own Jak and Daxter blah, blah, blah I'm just writing this story because the plot bunny presented it to me and I couldn't resist. **

**May pair Jak and Keira, not sure, but please no flames.**

**Nobody's Hero**

**Chapter 1**

The sun disappeared the sky, the cool darkness swept over the dangerous streets of Kras City. All was silent as Jak walked through the lonely alleyway. He'd taken a short cut, left his car behind at Keira's to be fixed and he wasn't in the mood to walk for miles. Which is why he found himself in a cold dark alley, it seemed like midnight rather then just after sun set, the high rises walls blocked out what little light was left in the sky. A draft of wind brushed over Jak's exposed skin, sending a small shiver down his spin. He felt his senses alert; his alter egos seemed to be trying to warn him of something. He paid them no attention though; it was truly a nightmare to have two beings constantly talking to you and in his own head. He had no true place to escape to.

Upon no response from Jak the voices in his head quieted down. He wished he could just rid himself of the dark and light eco and with it the separate parts of himself. Everything, three people or a person and two things in ones head was maddening, especially when was pure evil while the other was pure light. He could live with Light side but his dark side kept him away from the one he loved. He didn't trust it… him, it hated how when he was with Keira he'd start to think of things, nice things to do with her. It however just wanted death and suffering.

Jak shook his head to clear away the thought of the beautiful Sage's daughter; she was better off without him. He heard Dark taunt him from somewhere deep inside only to be silence by Light. Did he mention how annoying it was to have three voices in one head? Still, he pushed on and ignored them the best he could. Despite their bickering and burning hate towards the other. He really needed to find out how to get eco out of ones self, before he went crazy.

A sudden scrape brought Jak back to reality, he spun around, body readied for a fight. The alley was quiet, still. No one was there but his heighten senses picked up the threat that the eye could not see. He curled his hands into fists, getting ready for the fight that was to come. He didn't however notice the shadow that loomed behind him and by the time he did it was too late. A swift punch to the jaw sent him stumbling backwards only to receive another blow, this time to the back. He felt the pain of the first contact with his body but the fiery burn of dark eco that seared in his veins overwhelmed it.

He didn't have enough to change though, not into his darker self, the eco in his veins was just enough to burn for a few seconds before the pain of the ferocious punches returned. He was on the ground in seconds, the attackers coming from all sides; he went to stand but was knocked back down just as fast. He tried to reach for his Light side but it do was not strong enough to help him win this fight. He had to rely on his own skills but he was exhausted from constant racing and every day the poison grew stronger.

He fought ruthlessly against his attackers, managing a few punches and kicks but he was forced back to the ground, body shaking with rage. He saw to black polished boots before having his head forced up, facing the pale skinned man who puffed delicately on his cigarette. Jak didn't need to look twice to know who loomed over him; even in the darkness of the alley he knew that face, the smell of tobacco.

"Well, well Jak" he said in his deep accent that seemed more clear now then ever "all alone and defenceless are we? Not ze best way to be in thiz City."

Jak didn't respond, he just kept his narrowed eyes glued to Razer.

"No mannerz these dayz" he said, flicking ash onto the ground "Should I teach you some, huh?"

Jak ground his teeth and struggled harder against his attackers "Wouldn't waste my manners on someone like you."

Razer chuckled, an almost ominously chuckle before slapping him harshly across the face "Don't play gamez Jak! And after we're done here you'll think twice about what you said."

"Wanna bet?" Jak asked, the words game from his darker self but he voiced them.

Razer gripped Jak's chin tightly with his toxic yellow-gloved hand "Little boys should know how to treat their elders."

Jak's eyes narrowed, his beautiful ocean blue eyes dulled to a stormy and dangerous blue. He set his mouth in a thin line and knitted his eyebrows together in a scowl but he wasn't going to give Razer the satisfaction of hearing him speak.

"Got nothing to say now hero?" he asked tersely and Jak only deepened his scowl "Very well then" Razer let go of Jak's jaw then stood back up, eyeing his three men with a playful yet sinister smirk.

Jak felt fear spread through him like wild fire, something in Razer's eyes made him grow cold. He started struggling again, thrashing his body around like a fish out of water. But the three men holding him down were overpowering him; no matter how hard he struggled against their iron grip. He felt a cold mental object connect with his temple, sending an instant headache through his scull. He immediately stopped struggling, he knew the feeling of cool mental against his skin and he knew that they meant business.

"It will only hurt more if you struggle" Razer said, flicking his smoke to the ground.

Jak froze, completely, he saw a flicker of lust in Razer's eyes and he wanted to struggle, he wanted to turn into his darker self but instead he stayed frozen, frozen by fear.

"Boys," Razer snapped his fingers, "you know ze drill." Jak heard chuckling from above him and knew exactly what was coming. He struggled as rough hands dragged him to his feet, pulled at his clothing as Razer walked towards him.

"You'll learn to treat me with respect, Jak" he leant down to the boy's level, nipping sharply at his ear. "But tonight you'll be my little whore."

Jak eyes widened, it hasn't seemed real until now, the idea of what was coming, but now it was all too apparent. He closed his eyes, trying to block out the world, but a shiver ran down his spine as Razer's hands, his fingers, his breath, invaded his space, leaving him feeling helpless as firm hands held him in place. No struggling in the world could get him out of this one.

"So Jak" Razer's strong accent had Jak opening his eyes again "Ever done this before, hmm?"

Jak wasn't too sure of the question, was he asking if he'd ever found himself helpless in an alleyway about to be abused, or has he had sex before, the answer to both would be no.

"How vould you like it, Jak?" Razer whispered in his ear, his hot breath making Jak squeeze his eyes shut once more, wishing to be anywhere but there. "You have a choice..." he continued, one hand on Jak's shoulder, the other on his chest, moving lower, lower, making Jak shiver.

"I could have you right here, on all fours like ze dog you are, or…" he motioned to the half dozen garbage cans in a dark corner of the alley, "I could bend out over one of those, like ze _trash_ that you are." His hand was low now, too low, and Jak could tell he was biding his time, waiting for an answer before he continued.

"So? Vhat will it be, _Jak_?" Razer didn't say his name; rather spat it, like it wasn't worth the trouble. The men that held him shifted uncomfortably. They knew their leader's temper, and what could happen if it was invoked. It took all Jak had not to show his fear too, to keep it bottled up, lest it be used against him.

"Wherever you want, Razer," he muttered, hoping it hadn't sounded as feeble as he felt.

"Well, since you're my bitch for the night, Jak...need I say more?" At that, Razer's henchmen pushed him down, hard, onto the cobblestones, his knees scraping painfully on the debris that littered the alley floor.

Jak didn't open his eyes as he was pushed down, he tried to imagine himself somewhere else, anywhere else but here. He saw Keira in his minds eye and wondered what she'd say if she saw him like this, overpowered, helpless, about to be raped.

Raped.

He felt his chest tighten and tears stung his blue eyes, this was real, right now was real, not a nightmare, real. The great hero Jak, son of Damas, king of Spargus was about to be raped in a dirty alleyway by an even dirtier rat.

He heard Razer behind him, unbuckling his belt, undressing slowly; he could almost hear him chuckling at how anxious he was making him, how much worse the terror was getting with every second that ticked by.

"Are you ready, liebchen?" Razer asked softly, as if talking to a lover, but Jak knew the kindness wouldn't last long. And he was right. The next few seconds were a blur, Razer clamping a hand on his hip, holding him steady, as he pressed into him, burying himself deep. Jak's eyes rolled back in his head as the pain shot through him, he'd almost cried out, but he bit his lip at the last second, not wanting Razer to have the satisfaction.

Razer's eyes rolled back too, the tight heat of the young racer almost too much. It was better than he'd expected, this feeling, the overwhelming rush of power that came with every thrust. He bit down on Jak's shoulder, causing him to yelp, the only sound he'd made since he's penetrated him, which made Razer less-than-pleased.

"Scream for me, Jak." he hissed, thrusting forcefully. "Don't be shy. Let me hear just how much you're enjoying this." Jak just bit his lip harder, tasting the coppery bitterness of blood. "Scream like the whore you are!!" Razer yelled, twisting his hips as he thrust.

That was it. The last push had hit something inside Jak, something that sent all of the blood in his body rushing to his groin, making him cry out at the feeling. Razer laughed throatily and reached down in front of Jak, surprised to find him hard, weeping, almost ready to let go.

"I knew, Jak" he spat, wrapping a fist around Jak's member, stroking in time with his thrusts. "I knew, the first time I saw you, zat one day I'd have my way with you. Never imagined you'd enjoy it more zan I would, though. You surprise me, my little muse."

It was all too much for Jak. A few more strokes and he came, hot and sticky, in Razer's hand, hating the way his body had betrayed him. Razer pulled his hand away, put it on Jak's hip, held him perfectly still as he drove into him one last time, spilling his own seed deep inside the young man. He sighed deeply and pulled out, letting Jak fall to the ground as he stood, licking the warm spunk off of his hand.

"You taste good, liebchen, did you know?" He asked, pulling on his pants before confronting Jak again. His vision was cloudy, his thoughts unclear, but he somehow knew this wasn't over yet.

"Here, try." Razer said, presenting his still-wet fingers. Jak turned away, all his energy put towards not passing out. "Try it, you dirty whore," Razer insisted, using his other hand to pry open Jak's mouth. He could taste the salty tang of himself on Razer's fingers, he almost gagged, but soon Razer pulled his hand away, standing to face his cohorts.

"Zo, who is next?"

Jak's mind when black as he felt one of the others loosen their grip. He'd had a feeling it wasn't over he just wished he were wrong. He kept his eyes closed and tried, tried so God damn hard to find himself somewhere else, he tried to picture himself in Sandover Village.

Down at the beach, with Keira and Daxter, playing happily in the warm clear water. He felt his body relax slightly at the serene memories but being pulled back to his knees reminded him of his present situation. He wondered what they'd think of him now, Keira, Daxter and Samos, they'd probably laugh at him and walk away

He truly felt dirty and unworthy of their love. He wouldn't tell them though; he wouldn't let them know how Razer and his thugs made him their whore in a dirty alley. He vowed never to utter a word to one single soul, he wouldn't give Razer the satisfaction of knowing that he had shattered the hero's already damaged soul.

(………………)

The real tragedy is not the act itself, but the mess it leaves behind.

Jak was about to learn the meaning of that saying. He lay broken and beaten in an alleyway in a trashy city and he knew that the worse was not over. The act itself done, the four men long gone, only leaving with him one word 'whore' and it repeated in his mind, screaming at him.

He lay unmoving on the harsh ground, the cold air biting into his skin. He wouldn't move though, it hurt too much, sent too many different strains of pain through his battered body.

The act was done and the mess was just unfolding.

And what a mess it was, what a mess _he_ was.

Jak had never felt so humiliated and worthless, not even the two years in the Baron's prison made him feel this used. Not even the Dark Eco treatments and beatings from the guards were as bad as the pain he felt now. He'd just been broken, completely, the Baron and Erol had damaged him but now he was shattered, nothing left to heal.

'_Don't even think about rolling over and playing dead_' Dark hissed in his head _'get the fuck up and show Razer that you can and will win this thing!'_

Jak listened to Dark's words; slowly they brought him to his feet, he was shaking and every movement sent searing pain through his body. He pushed on though; he quickly redressed himself, ignoring the blood that ran down his legs. He took a step forward, the simple movement making him gasp in pain, he'd felt pain, but this seemed worse then anything.

Still he took another step forward and forced away the tears that were threatening to spill as each jolt of pain spread though him. He walked slowly, practically dragging his legs, he felt like a dead weight.

He walked for miles like this, hiding in the shadows so no one could see the mess he had become. He made it back to the motel, the room was dark the only light coming from the TV that was switched on. He glanced to the couch, Daxter was sound asleep and he sent a silent thank you to the Precursors. He made his way to the bathroom, being carefully not to wake his friend of many years.

The water against his skin was nice, it was boiling but he didn't care, the scorching heat washed away the dirt the eye could not see. Though as he stepped out he suddenly felt unclean, as though he'd never showered.

He felt an emotional roller coaster go through him and he resisted the urge to go tell Daxter what had happened. He would only pity him; he'd see a failure and a loser and he had every right to. No one could ever know what had happened, he'd be seen as a failure in his friend's eyes and he refused to let them know that such a thing had happened to him.

He quickly redressed himself, shoving his dirty clothes into the basket; hidden deep so Daxter wouldn't see them, as though seeing them could reveal what had happened. He left the bathroom, arms wrapped tightly around himself and ears drooping with the heavy weight of emotions.

He saw Daxter was awake, he forced himself to look calm, he hoped it worked because if he looked as scared as he felt Daxter would notice. However this time the Precursors weren't so kind, Daxter picked it up straight away.

"What the hell happened to you?"

Jak bit his lip, the force reopening the wound he had made earlier while he was being… "Nothing" he lied feeble "why?"

"Because you look like you lost a fight with an angry Yakkow."

Jak had completely forgotten about the fight with the thugs, the pain of the punches and kicks had been nothing compared to the… he'd have to explain them to Daxter "I fell over" Ok, he knew Daxter was stupid sometimes but he wasn't that stupid.

"Fell over?" he asked, his voice too loud for Jak to handle "Fell down a flight of stairs more like it."

"Uh well yeah" he quickly walked passed his best friend, almost hating that he was lying to him… _almost_. "I'm going to bed, night."

"Oh no you're not" Daxter leapt onto Jak's shoulder "tell me what happened?"

"I fell down some stairs" he walked passed the window and caught a glimpse of himself in the glass, he really did look like hell. Dark bruises married his face, his left eye was barely open and he hadn't even realised it, not to mention the dark circle on his cheek and he sure his body had more bruises then Daxter had fur.

But he'd keep his shirt on, he'd keep everything on, for a fact, he felt rather bare and it was chilly, another shirt wouldn't hurt.

"Was it Razer?"

Jak nearly stopped mid stride, his body went rigid and he felt bile rise in his throat and it took all his will power not to throw up "No, just stairs."

And Daxter didn't ask any more questions that night.

(………………)

When morning came and Jak felt ten times worse then he had yesterday. All that happened had sunken in during the night, he'd known it yesterday but today it was so much more real. He'd gone to sleep in hopes of forgetting what had happened only to be plagued by the nightmares of being helpless, weak and _pathetic_.

He was sure he'd screamed out during the night, because Daxter was sure, now more than ever, that something had happened to him but he wasn't telling, he'd never tell.

So when Daxter finally asked what he had dreamt about, he lied, said it was about his time in prison but those dreams hadn't made him cry out in his sleep in a year now. It seemed so unfair that he'd managed to stop dreaming of prison days only to be forced to dream of… _yesterday_. But what happened in prison now seemed like nothing compared to what had happened, sure he'd been tortured, bashed half way to hell but he'd never been… hurt like that.

Daxter accepted his lie, knowing very well that Jak had nightmares of his days in the Baron's prison but he still looked unconvinced that Jak was fine. But he was fine, he was okay, so he kept telling himself or so Dark kept saying. He didn't know if the 'I'm ok' thoughts were his or Dark's but whoever the hell had thought them were right.

He was okay, he was already healing, the small amount of light eco in his veins had taken care of some of the lighter bruises and made the serious ones look only mildly painful. But it didn't seem to help the pain inside, and he wasn't talking about the ache of his heart either.

He didn't know how to hide this from Dax, it hurt to take every step, to sit, to stand, hell even getting dressed had hurt. He did his best though, but his best was not enough and he was presented with concern filled blue eyes.

If he couldn't make Daxter think he was okay then there was no way he'd fool the rest of them, especially Keira, she always knew when something was wrong, something he both liked and disliked about her. Then their was Samos, Ashlin, Torn and Sig, he'd have to make them all believe he was ok, which he was, he was just fine.

Yeah right.

"Keira said she'd finished fixing the car," Daxter said from his place on Jak's shoulders "we have a race at one so I suggest we get to it."

Jak looked to the clock, it was already eleven thirty but the thought of stepping outside the motel room scared him, almost made him want to jump back into bed and never get back up "Yeah… ok" he said, his words feeble "We'll get a coffee on the way" he added, just to make him sound fine, they always stopped to get coffee on the way to Keira's, not that he felt like eating or drinking.

"Oh, and some food" Daxter pattered his fury stomach "I'm hungry."

"Right" the mere thought of food had Jak forcing away the bile but he had to keep his act up "Let's go."

Let's go, he always said that, today it didn't sound right, today the world didn't seem right. Everything seemed wrong, he seemed wrong, like he wasn't himself. Maybe it was just the dirt that marred his skin, but he'd tried to clean it off but it was useless, he could scrub for days, months, years and the dirt would not budge.

So this was what it felt like to be a victim of someone's twisted idea of a good time, well he wasn't having fun and as he left the motel he vowed revenge on Razer and his team.

If he could ever face them without breaking down.

(………………)

The Kras City garage came into Jak's line of sight and he'd never felt so relieved in his life, he wanted to just go someplace quiet, and hide from the many eyes that were watching him. He felt like all eyes were on him today, it was like they knew, just by looking at him.

But that was crazy, they couldn't know, right? They could see the bruises, yes, but they couldn't see what had been done to him, right? He took a deep drink of his coffee, it tasted biter, he swallowed the hot liquid and pushed away the thoughts, nobody knew!

The entrance to the garage came into view and he saw the car was parked out the front, Keira leaning against it. He usual found peace when he saw Keira, a serene feeling, but today he just felt anxious.

He walked closer to her, handing her the coffee he had got for her, two sugars, lots of milk, just how she liked it. She took the cup from Jak and stared at him with shock, oh right the bruises.

"Jak, what happened?"

"I fell down some stairs" he lied promptly.

"Jak you don't fall over when you're drunk let alone when you're sober" she pointed out, her emerald eyes clouding with distress.

"First time for everything right?"

She didn't push the matter; instead she tucked a strand of turquoise hair behind her ear and turned to face the Road Blade. Its shiny red paint sparkled in the morning light and the red reminded him of Razer. He always wore that stupid red coat, he found himself fighting off the images of Razer, his body too close, his breath mingling with his sweat.

He looked away from the car to Keira, she was still as beautiful as ever but her presence wasn't easing his pain. Seeing her always made him calm, made him think clear, made him think about them. Alone. The thought of doing anything more then just standing here with Keira had Jak shaking and forcing away the blinding rage. His first time was meant to be shared with her not… _him_.

"Are you sure you're okay Jak?" she asked in a soft tone "you look pale."

"I'm just tired" he said looking away, lying to her was something he'd rather not do but she could never know "Well we better get to the track, I'm sure GT Blitz wants to interview us or something."

"Be careful Jak" Keira said handing him the key "You're racing against Razer today and he's known for breaking the rules."

Jak felt his mouth go dry and a lump formed in his throat, "I can handle him" the words weren't his, Dark had whispered them to him, trying to make him look fine when really he was crumbling faster then you could say 'I love racing'

"He's not as tough as he looks" Daxter said from his place on Jak's shoulder "we can take him without even breaking a sweat, right Jak?"

Jak looked up at his friend, he was staring at him with the same expression from last night, he was putting on an act too. He was trying to convince himself that Jak was fine, well if Jak couldn't do it then Daxter couldn't either "we'll do our best" he said weakly before looking back at Keira "I'll stop by later or something" he wouldn't, he just wanted to go hide somewhere "I'll be careful."

She smiled and winked at him "Leave 'em in the dust, baby."

(………………)

Ready. Set. Go.

Jak wasn't ready, wasn't set, he was falling apart with each step he took. He stood near his car, eyes downcast, the roar of the crowed and chattering voices filled his ears but he could only hear one.

Razer's voice was clear, even above the hum of the crowd; he was talking to GT Blitz about how races needed more violence and action, didn't it have enough? They'd nearly lost their lives on the track so many times already, they didn't need it to get worse, especially since they were all poisoned. And they all looked to Jak, sure everyone else was racing but they looked to Jak to win this thing.

Why did everyone expect so much from him? How was he was supposed to save them all when he was being drowned by darkness he could not see. He heard Dark hiss in his head, saying to toughen up and be a man, easy for it to say, it was a thing, no real emotion. Being… being attacked to it meant nothing just drove its need to kill even more.

Jak closed his eyes and when he reopened them, he was there, coat as red as blood, eyes as cold as ever.

"Good luck at the race today, leibchen" he said smiling, a smile that made Jak's stomach churn.

"Yeah well we don't need it" Daxter said rather loudly "Jak'll kick you're ass."

Razer chuckled throatily, his eyes on Jak, who was fighting off the taste of bile and the urge to run and hide "I think you will" he blew smoke into their faces and that's when Jak lost it. He didn't get angry; he didn't break down and cry, he just emptied what little food he had onto Razer's black boots. He felt some satisfaction that he'd ruined his boots but all eyes were on him.

He took a step back, Razer's eyes weren't angry like he expected them to be, they were satisfied.

Razer walked away after that, a sinister smirk on his face, Jak just looked away, panting heavily, he could practically hear the questions that were about to come.

"You know I don't like Razer either Jak but you didn't have to puke on him" Daxter said from his perch on his shoulder "but whatever floats your boat."

Jak looked away from his friend's worried eyes and climbed into the car, body shaking, heart aching.

**Please review **


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2 **

The race was a blur; all Jak knew was he had to win, for his friends. He hadn't been ready, he'd been out of it, Razer's mere presence had made Jak want to run a mile, but he stood his ground, only he wasn't sure if he should have. Razer's hot breath on his face had forced the too fresh memories into over drove; the smell of his tobacco had made him gag and he'd tried but he couldn't hold down the bile. He knew as soon as he finished this race he'd be rewarded with questions from his friends and no doubt GT Blitz saw the whole thing, along with the two hundred million views. Great, just what he needed, GT would probably spread rumours that he was dying of some horrible disease and this was just a way to die faster.

Well he would be half right, he had been poisoned but this was a way to save himself and his friends, he never wanted to come here. He shouldn't have accepted the invite, if he only he knew what was to come. He surely would have stayed in Haven City but he was here, faced with GT Blitz and his floating cameras. He felt his stomach churn; he didn't need this right now. He let Daxter prattled on about how he 'won' the race, not that Jak cared, Daxter could say what he wanted, he just wanted to get out of here.

"And Jak" The microphone was shoved into Jak's face and he felt an instant panic, he didn't want to be crowed "Hows it feel to be the big star of Kras City."

"Hey!" Daxter hollered and Jak was never more grateful for it "I'm the star here!" Daxter jumped onto the car in a swift bound "I mean Jak helps but I'm the real-"

"-Oh you wish!" Pecker suddenly cut in, flying to close to Jak for his comfort "If anyone is the star, it's me!"

"Knock it off" Blitz stepped in front of the two animals that were about to go for each other "The real star is me!" he then swivelled back around to face Jak, "So Jak, what the hell happened? You look like you lost the race rather then won it."

Jak cursed himself for once again forgetting about the bruises that gave him yet another reminder of yesterday "Wouldn't you like to know" he said, voice firm, words coming from Dark.

"Actually I would," he said, stepping to close, why was everyone crowding him? "But since you're not telling I won't pry but what was with earlier? Puking on the competition a new crazy way of saying 'I'm gonna win this race?'"

Jak felt his body go tense, he heard Dark mutter some nasty reply but he choose his own words this time "I… I gotta go" Jak stuttered, backing away from GT Blitz and his floating cameras. Daxter gave him a concerned look as he walked away then turned back to GT. "So, as I was saying…"

Bathroom, there had to be a bathroom somewhere… why the hell couldn't' he remember? God knows he'd been here enough times. Jak could feel the walls closing in on him, he needed a safe haven, and fast. The walls retreated slightly when he saw the washroom sign, his heart fluttered violently in his chest as he slammed the stall door behind him and slid to the floor, panting heavily. It was quiet there, almost too quiet, with nothing but a dripping tap to remind Jak that the rest of the world existed. He started to calm down, finally, and his eyes started to droop as the drip, drip, drip lulled him. But a sudden noise broke him out of his stupor and he jumped to his feet, cursing as his body protested.

He heard footsteps, heavy and deliberate, moving from the doorway to the stall on his left. He cursed under his breath. He'd have to go past the stall on his way out of the room. He opened the door quietly, cautiously, tip-toeing his way out into the open. Big mistake.

The other door opened suddenly, hitting him full on the face, catching him off-guard and sending him toppling to the ground. "Still no mannerz, eh Jak?" A painfully familiar voice questioned, making him shiver.

Nowhere to run…

Nowhere to hide…

He was trapped again, not by thugs, but by his own stupidity. Razer wasted no time, stalking towards Jak with terrifying purpose. He stooped, grabbing Jak by the front of his shirt and hauled him up and into the nearest stall, letting the lock slide shut with a deafening click.

The kind of click that seems to say, 'you're _so_ screwed.'

He kicked, punched, clawed at Razer like a madman, but the combination of exhaustion and the pain that came with moving was too much. Jak went limp in the other man's grasp; wishing whatever was going to happen would be over soon.

"Not zo tough now, I see." His assailant chuckled, moving in close. "Such a pretty mouth…" He mused, brushing his lips softly over Jak's. With all the strength and courage he could muster, Jak spit directly into Razer's eye. Yowling like a wounded cat, Razer let go just long enough to drag a bloodred sleeve over his eye before slamming Jak into the wall again and kneeing him in the groin in one swift motion.

Jak saw stars bursting behind his eyelids as he gasped, trying to find his breath once more. Never being the one to waste opportunity, Razer leaned in, trapping Jak in a harsh kiss, pinning him to the wall with his towering frame. With no way out, Jak withdrew into himself, giving in to the torture, turning into a morbid toy just asking to be taken advantage of.

Razer's advances became more frantic, more needy as his tongue forced its way into Jak's open mouth and his hand slipped into Jak's pants, getting to close to the one part of his body the eco refuses to heal. "Did you miss me, hero?" He asked breathlessly, leaving Jak's mouth to nip at the side of his neck, suckling on the skin until it turned an angry red. No response.

"Answer me, you filthy whore!" He hissed, biting down hard enough to break the skin. Jak yelped and thrashed before giving up again, retreating into his mind. "That'z a yes, I assume." Razer crooned, licking the blood from Jak's wound. He made a purring sound in the back of his throat as he teased Jak's hole, making him scream in agony as it too began to bleed. "Shh, shh…" He whispered, catching Jak's lips in another horrid kiss. The smaller man almost blacked out from the pain as Razer put one finger, two fingers, three inside him, but when he flexed them, pushing against something that made Jak gasp, bucking his hips involuntarily, his body betrayed him once again.

"Hard for me already, racer? But I was just getting started…" Razer pouted, "You're knew to this aren't you?" Jak didn't respond, he kept his eyes closed, fighting off the tears "oh you are" he chuckled "so was I your first, hmm?" When Jak didn't reply he twisted his fingers in a painful way "Answer me Jak,"

"Yes!" he cried out, tears leaking from behind closed lids.

"Now, now, no need to cry" He lent towards Jak, his hot tobacco tainted breath mixing with his damp cheeks as he roughly kissed a way the salty tears.

Jak imagined, _dreamed_, that it wasn't Razer kissing him, but Keira. He imagined running his fingers through her beautiful turquoise hair, her soft lips kissing away the pain, the anguish, everything in life that made it almost un-livable. But the fingers invading him reminded him that he was not kissing the beautiful Sage's daughter, it was Razer, again, the filthy racer was abusing him and what was worse he was enjoying it. He truly was a whore.

Jak's eyes suddenly snapped open, a moan escaping his lips as Razer's teased his hard member. This was wrong, so God damn wrong, Jak was feeling pleasure and pain all at the same time. Razer stretched his fingers deep inside Jak, the blood the source of lube, he then pulled them out, rough and fast and it was like tearing off a bandaid, only this was no ordinary bandaid, and the pain didn't even begin to subside.

"Please…" Jak croaked out, his throat dry. He licked his lips and tried again. "Please stop…"

Razer laughed. "Don't beg Jak" he hissed "it's a sign of weakness and besides…" he continued, palming Jak's cock through his pants, making him moan quietly "you know you like this, you're such a good little whore."

Jak tried to block out Razer's word, tried to block out the pain and the pleasure. He just wanted to be anywhere else right now; hell he just wanted it to stop. Why was this happening? Why did he like it yet hate it? He just wanted to escape, to run from the monster that was invading his privacy and shattering him, _destroying_ him piece by piece. With all his might he pictured himself back in Sandover, the cool afternoon breeze bushing against his skin, swaying Keira's hair, cooling them down. She was looking at him eyes glistening in the evening sun, this was the day he knew he loved her and from that day on he had failed to tell her. Like he failed now, failed to protect himself from the monster that was using his body for his own pleasure.

People always used him, took what they want and left him to rot. The Baron had. He'd used him as a Kanger rat and experimented on him, putting him through unbearable pain but it didn't seem that way now. What he felt now was excruciating yet pleasurable and he just wanted it to all end, but he knew this wasn't over.

Razer wasn't done yet.

He noticed how unbearably cold it was in the room when Razer dragged his pants down off his hips, nipping at the bare skin stretched invitingly over his taut stomach. He tried to fight, to move away, but the feeling captivated him, he liked it yet he hated it, God why, _why_ did he like this? It was wrong, he was being assaulted, he didn't want this but he liked it!

He wanted to cry, scream and run, run for miles and miles and not stop but he was stuck here, nowhere to go and no willpower left to fight with. A feeling all brand-new came over him and he looked down, amazed, no, _disgusted_, to see Razer on his knees in front of him, lips wrapped around his cock, his cheeks hollow, the wet heat of his mouth wreaking havoc on his resolve to _hate_ what was being done to him.

A moan escaped his lips as Razer took in him in whole, his tongue doing things he never would have imagined, when he was taken away from thoughts of wanting, _needing_, to run by a low buzz, he opened his eyes just enough to see Razer holding the strange object that was a cell phone. He shared a few words with the person on the other end before hanging up.

"Sorry, leibchen, to cut this short, but I must go" he whispered, leaning in to plant a sweet kiss on Jak's almost lifeless lips. He stood for a moment, his forehead resting on Jak's, their breath mingling. Jak didn't know why, but he felt compelled to look up into his eyes, to see the face of the man who'd caused him so much pain and suffering. Maybe he was hoping to find an explanation in his gaze, to understand the reason behind this mindless torture. But Razer closed his eyes, kissed him once more, and left the stall, straightening his coat as he went. Then, as if an afterthought, he turned, a menacing glint in his eye. "I'll finish this off some other time, hmm?"

Jak slid to the ground as the door swung shut, the floor painfully cold and slippery with his blood. He wanted so badly to cry, to vomit, to just curl up and die, but he simply stared at the rusty door, his mind blank, nothing registering, not even the pain.

**(………………)**

Daxter had been waiting for Jak for too long, Blitz and Pecker were long gone as were the other races and Daxter sat on the car, in the hot sun, by himself. He wasn't waiting any longer, his stomach twisted into knot's as the seconds ticked by and he knew without a doubt that Razer had done something to Jak. When he saw the bruises on his best friends face and saw the way he held himself he knew straight away that Razer and his menacing thugs had done something to him. He'd been silly last night, when the strangest thought he ever had crossed his mind, when he saw how Jak wore to many layers of clothes the instant panic that he had been raped shot into his mind.

He'd demised the thought as quick as it come, like someone would do that Jak and its not like he knew a lot about rape. Though during his two years without Jak he would hear the cries from his hiding places. Sometimes even pass the victim's but there was nothing he could do, he was just an Ottsel. He'd seen them though, the look in their eyes made his heart shatter and his blood run cold. He could never describe the look; it was just that of hopelessness, a lost and broken soul, with flickers of rage and humiliation in their eyes. He swore to the Precursor that that look was in Jak's eyes last night, but he didn't let himself believe it.

But when he reached the bathroom, only to find Jak, bloody, bruised and with _that_ look did he know his thoughts were right. He felt the world slip away; the only noise was his thudding heart. He took a few steps towards Jak, he felt like he was walking through water, each step so hard to make. He came to a halt at Jak's side, that look now as clear as day in his best friends blue eyes. He had no words to offer though, he couldn't make himself talk, hell he wasn't even sure Jak knew he was here.

He cleared his throat "Jak" too low; Jak didn't look at him "Jak? Buddy boy" he looked now, eyes brimmed with tears and shame. Daxter looked into his best friends eyes and words escaped him once more, he stepped a little closer to Jak, stepping into something wet. He looked down, red, chrisom red stained the floor. He looked back to Jak, only now did he realise Jak was only half dressed, his pants were around his thighs. He cursed angrily as he realised he couldn't even really help Jak get redressed, he was too small.

"Please don't tell anyone," Jak said hoarsely, looking down at Daxter.

Daxter bit his lip, he couldn't keep secrets very well and this, _this_ was something he shouldn't keep, but what else could he do "Not a single soul" he said, trying to sound like himself but he felt like he was breaking "we should get outta here Jak" he glanced around the dingy bathroom then returned his anxious eyes to Jak, who was once again staring into space.

Jak suddenly stood, wincing as he pulled up his pants. Daxter jumped onto his shoulder and he flinched but didn't say anything. Daxter stared at him with concern but Jak was avoiding eye contact, he kept looking straight ahead as he left the room and the memory of what had happened in it.

**(………………)**

It was mid afternoon, Jak and Daxter had returned to the motel a little over an hour ago, only it felt like years for Daxter. He'd watched Jak in silence; saw him break just a little more as the seconds ticked by. He'd showered four times already, each time coming out dressed in layers of clothes, but his actions weren't as bad as the look in his eyes. They were dull, a stormy blue and riddled with thousands of emotions, sorrow, pain, embarrassment, anger it was all there and all so clear. Daxter was at a loss, what could he do, what could he say? He had no words for this, no freaking idea what he should even do. God what was he meant to do? Go tell Jak that he'd be okay, that it'd get better; well how the fuck could this get better?

What could make this better?

Daxter watched Jak with despair; he sat on the couch, knees drawn to his chest and arms wrapped tightly around himself. He rocked back and forwards, his head buried in his folded arms. Daxter tentatively walked to him, jumping up on the couch, next to his scared and broken friend. Jak didn't look up and Daxter felt a twinge of panic, had he locked himself inside his own mind. Hiding in the memories of the past rather then facing the haunting present. Daxter reached out to him, his small paw brushing lightly over Jak's tensed arm, he flinched under the touch but he was rewarded when Jak look up, tears glistening in his eyes.

"Hurts" he mumbled audible.

Daxter felt his mouth go dry, this was a pain he couldn't take away, why the hell didn't Jak absorb more eco before he left to come here? If he had he could have turned into Dark and none of this would have happened. Daxter's thoughts stopped, this wasn't Jak's fault, it was all Krew's, why did he have to poison them? He was dead and still causing chaos. If they hadn't been poisoned they would have gone back to Haven City that day and this wouldn't have happened. But none of these thoughts helped right now, Jak was in pain and breaking a little more with each passing minute.

"What if you channeled some Green eco?" Daxter finally asked "You used to be able to channel it, I'm sure old Grandpa Green has some eco with him, loves that stuff" he said this light heartedly but the small feeble joke wasn't even noticed by Jak.

"Can't know," he said looking at the TV, looking at anything but Daxter "Don't want anyone to know."

"Did you bring any of the eco injections that Keira made you?"

Jak thought for a moment, trying to remember if he packed them, Keira had designed eco injections for him to carry with him. He vaguely remembered packing them, both light and dark eco. He closed his eyes and the memory returned to him, he had packed them; they were in the bedroom, under the bed. "I did" he said weakly "in the bedroom."

"Alright buddy I'll get them, you just sit tight" Daxter slid off the couch and made a hasty dash to the bedroom. He didn't want Jak to be any more pain then he had to be in, he was grateful that they had the injections. He found the box hidden beneath the bed, cringing at the sharp needles. He collected both of the injections, light and dark. Light would heal him and dark… well dark would just make him go crazy. Daxter quickly decided against bring Jak the dark eco, he didn't need Jak's alto ego running amuck in Kras City. Though they certainly deserved it.

Daxter retuned to Jak, he was still in the same position from before. It made Daxter's heart ache to see Jak like this, to see the brave hero trembling and forcing away burning tears. Daxter jumped back onto the couch, Jak looked down at him, a half-hearted smile on his pale face. He went to take the needle, his hand shaking so much he'd most likely drop it. Daxter patted his hand saying he'd do it, he'd done it a few times before, Samos made them practice incase he ever needed to do it in a hurry.

Jak didn't even flinch under the touch of the sharp prick, he barely felt it. He could feel the eco running through his veins, it felt cooling, calming and while it spread through him like cold fire he found himself in a serene place. The feeling soon disappeared though, leaving him more miserable then before. He felt better though, physically at least. His body relaxed slightly and he cautiously withdrawing from himself, pulling the nearest blanket over his now healing body. He lent back, head resting on the fluffy pillows, he felt Daxter scamper up to him, snuggle in next to him. Jak let his head drop down onto the pillow, body still slightly tense.

"Its ok Jak" Daxter whispered softly "I'm here."

Jak relaxed further under Daxter's words and his soft purring lulled him into a restless sleep.

**(………………)**

When Daxter woke up it was dark, the moon shinning brightly through the large window that gave view to the City below. Daxter stretched his back and yawned, he had forgotten all about today until he saw Jak's pale face in the moonlight. He cringed at the site of his friends, he still wore small bruises and an angry red mark was distinct on his neck. Daxter felt his ears drop and his body sag under the heavy weight of the emotions building within him. He took Jak's hand into his own, both paws not even big enough to cover half his hand, but the feel of Jak's cool skin beneath his fingers remind him that Jak was still here, just broken.

Jak shifted in his sleep, his face caressing in obvious pain, Daxter briefly wondered if he should get Jak some more light eco, he didn't want him having to fully transform into his lighter self though. It still took energy to turn into Light and always coursed him pain to turn into Dark, the demon that lingered just beneath his skin. He wondered what they thought of all this? Jak had told him that they talked to him, it drove him crazy at times but he usually did a good job at blocking them out. Only when he was fully dosed with eco did he lose all control and switch to either Light or Dark.

Daxter shook his head, it was confusing to understand the whole Light, Dark thing in the best of times let alone while he was consumed with worry. He let the thoughts of Jak's alto ego's leave him and he returned to more morbid thoughts. Like how many times had Jak actually been raped, it was obvious that today he was subject to some form of sexual abuse but what about yesterday? When he came home black and blue, eyes filled with humiliation and grief. It was all too obvious that he had been raped but by who. Ok, Daxter knew who just which of the thugs was responsible for Jak's suffering?

Was it one of Razer's men or Razer himself? He wouldn't put it past Razer to do a thing like this, he seemed the type, then again his thugs would do something like this as well. With a sick feeling in his stomach, Daxter had an image of them all taking advantage of Jak, he just hoped to the Precursor's he was wrong.

Jak shifted again and Daxter moved closer to him, whispering softly to him and Jak seemed to calm under the steady stream of nonsense words. His blue eyes opened, confusion written in them at first then all the emotions from earlier returned, his ears dropped and his body tensed. Daxter moved so that he was able to stroke Jak's short spiky blonde and green hair, feeling his friend relax under the comforting touch.

Daxter stroked Jak's hair for what felt like hours, he knew Jak hadn't gone back to sleep but he was at least calmer and somewhat relaxed. Daxter felt his stomach growl hungrily, he hadn't eaten in awhile, neither had Jak. He carefully left Jak, telling he'd be right back, hating the look of fear that crossed his features as he walked away.

He managed to get back to Jak rather fast, dragging a tray of food behind him, people should really consider Ottsel's. When he entered the lounge room Jak unraveled himself from the blanket and helped him with the tray and for a split second things felt normal, until the Ottsel saw the anguish that wouldn't leave his friends eyes. Daxter ate while Jak just picked at his food, he was pretty sure he ate something but not enough to sustain him. After he'd finished staring at his food, rather then eating it, he headed to take his fifth shower for the day.

Daxter sat alone in the darkness, the rushing water and his pounding heart the only noise. He closed his eyes in despair and sighed deeply. He was supposed to keep this a secret but he couldn't help Jak, not by himself. He had to tell someone, he couldn't bear to carry this burden alone. He weighed his options carefully, have Jak be pissed at him that he told someone what happened or have him sink into a depression, he choose the pissed off Jak.

He stood up and crossed the room to where the communicator sat, he heisted before grabbing it, Jak would be angry but he needed her help. He pressed the button and Keira's sleepy voice came over the communicator.

"Keira, its Dax, I need to see you right now."

"Why? Is Jak okay?"

_Far from it_ he thought sadly "I'll explain when you get here."

"Ok, you at the motel?"

"Yeah."

"Be there in five, I'm only a floor above you guys."

"Thanks Keira" he whispered then hung up, placing the comm back on the shelf and retreating to his place before Jak came back.

**Please, please review :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Daxter waited anxiously for Keira, Jak was still in the shower, he would most likely take awhile. He heard a quick rap on the door and he bounded towards it, jumping up and twisting the handle before falling to the ground. She stepped in, avoiding Daxter who was sprawled out on the floor. Daxter stared up at the Sage's daughter, her hair was stuck out in places and she looked weary.

"Sorry Dax" she bent over and pulled him back to his feet "Where's Jak."

"Jak…" deep breath, calm the nervous and let the horrid truth out "Jak… got hurt by Razer and his thugs" Keira's eyes widened but he could see that she had figured that, since she saw him black and blue this morning "and something else."

"Something else?" confusion clouded her emerald eyes.

He didn't want to have to say this, he wished to God, he wished to every freaking God fiction or nonfiction that he didn't have to say this, but no wish, no prayer, would change it. "They raped him" it was out now and Keira's jaw had dropped as a loud gasp escaped her mouth.

Keira dropped down to his height, her body weight now to much to bear "But… but" she couldn't find words, she fought off tears and the urge to shake Daxter and demand this be a joke "why?" a single tear fell, the first of many that would be shed in the coming months.

"I don't know" Daxter said, voice low, hiding the emotions he too wrestled with.

"Where is he?" she asked, standing back up.

"Shower" Daxter jumped up onto her delicate shoulder "like the fifth one."

"Does he know you told me?" she asked, eyes scanning the room as though this was just a dream.

"No. No one else was supposed to know" he cleared his throat, emotions getting to heavy "I couldn't do this alone."

Keira went to speak when the bathroom door opened, the low organ light spilling into the dark room. Jak emerged in a billow of smoke, he looked exhausted and small bruises still married his handsome face. He wore what looked like layer after layer of clothing and it only made Daxter's words all to apparent. She felt her body grow heavy again, the look in Jak's eyes were that of a true broken soul, the love and an occasionally flicker of lust he wore in his eyes when he saw Keira was gone.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" Jak asked, voice feeble but he truly did try.

Keira glanced at Daxter, he jumped from her shoulder then walked towards Jak, stopping a few feet from the broken man "I called her" a flicker of rage and panic crossed Jak's features "I told her Jak" he said, voice strong "I couldn't do this alone."

Jak's stormy blue eyes looked to Keira, he excepted to see shame in her emerald orbs but he saw desolation. She looked like she wanted to reach out to him, to hold him but how could she? She shouldn't be giving Jak that look, he didn't want her pity, God he didn't need a team of people to make him better again. He didn't say anything, just left her gaze and walked off, heading to the bedroom. He shut the door with a thud, the bang echoing in the dark and gloomy room.

Daxter sighed then looked up at Keira, she was holding it together, _just_ "what do we do?" his voice quivered this time, tears made themselves known, snaking a trail down his fury face "how do we fix this Keira?"

"I don't know" she breathed, "I just don't know."

**(………………) **

Jak lay beneath the covers, his many layers off clothes and heavy blankets were making him sweat but we wouldn't take them off. He was safe beneath the material, safe from the people who would hurt and judge him. He hadn't gone back to sleep, it had been hours or maybe only minutes, he didn't know, all he knew was Daxter told her. He hadn't wanted her to know, he hadn't wanted Daxter to know but he'd found him, beaten and broken in the men's bathroom, how pathetic.

He withdrew deeper into himself, limps as close together as they could get. He kept his eyes open though, every time they closed he saw _him, _his sinister smirk, his bloodred coat, he didn't want to see him, he didn't want to remember. He kept his heavy lids open, fighting desperately to stay awake, he thought he felt horrible yesterday when he got home from that alleyway, well he felt a millions times worse now. He looked at the clock, it was one in the morning, now three days since he had been abused, three days and it all felt so much worse.

He closed his eyes now, too tired to keep them open, images of his attack playing behind his lids, he didn't want to see it, to deal with it, but he was too exhausted. He heard a voice, whispering to him, soft and serene, it was Light, his less frightening alto ego. He'd been rather quiet for the last few days, perhaps because he hadn't had a lot of light eco in him. He wished Dark would just fade to nothing but a distant echo but he'd spent two years being injected with dark eco and it was etched within him, in his blood, his bones, every muscle, Dark was more of apart of him then Light.

'**Everything'll be ok'**Light whispered to him**'Keira and Dax will help you get through this, you'll be ok.'**

'_He'll be ok as soon as he lets me kill Razer' _Dark growled, his anger flaring deep inside Jak_ 'and the others! I mean, I'm not gonna just let them get away with what they did to me.'_

'**They don't even know we're here'**Light snapped**'they did this to Jak, not you, not me, they did this to destroy Jak and if you had a heart you'd understand what he felt right now.'**

'_Jak, pump yourself full of dark eco and let me tear them limp from limp.'_

Jak felt tempted to let Dark have his way, but he wasn't truth worthy. Jak could control himself while Dark took over he just doubted he could at the moment, his emotions were running wild. He blocked out Dark and Light, they always fought, nothing knew there. Though he had to admit he wanted to kill Razer and his thugs, but he wasn't as bloodthirsty as Dark, he just needed his strength and he could do it. But he also needed his own strength to control the beast, he couldn't be sure if he turned into his dark self that Razer would be the only person he'd kill. In such a weak emotional state he could easily slip deep into his own mind, allowing Dark to take full control until the eco boost wore off.

'_You're weak'_

Jak ignored Dark's words, he knew they were true though; he was weak. He'd let Razer take advantage of him, twice in two days and what was worse was he enjoyed some of it. He shook the images from his head; he didn't want to deal with any of this. He rolled over, wincing in pain; the eco was still refusing to heal the one part of his body that could use it the most. Maybe it was just his imagination though, perhaps it was all in his head, maybe this whole thing was just in his head.

He could only wish.

**(………………)**

At three in the morning he heard the bedroom door open, he tensed under the covers, heart racing. He felt a small body jump onto the bed, the sound of gentle breathing that belonged to Daxter eased his panic somewhat. He rolled onto his back; he could see Daxter standing near him, his ears drooping. Jak reached a shaky hand towards him, patting him softly. Daxter gently climbed onto his chest, curling into a small ball. Jak closed his eyes, the steady breathing of his furry companion and the comforting weight of his warm little body on his chest lulling him to sleep.

Sleep. He wished he could do it forever, not have to deal with life anymore, the looks, the whispers, they knew, they _all_ knew, what had been done to him, no, what he'd _let_ happen. He was sure they knew, just by looking at him, that he was weak, he was a whore, he'd been abused and he'd enjoyed it.

His dreams were dark, pointless, confusing, but in them, he got a glimpse of what had happened when he blacked out. Although his mind was shut down, Dark and Light were there, the whole time, watching as he was abused, attacked, used like some sick rag doll for Razer's thugs to play with.

After Razer had finished he'd collapsed completely, retreating so far into himself he was like an empty shell, lifeless, thoughtless, his body like a corpse. When Shiv pulled him to his knees he fell, limp, to the ground, his legs refusing to hold him up. The thug grunted angrily, as if annoyed by a new toy whose batteries were dead. He nudged Jak's listless body with his foot as he shed his pants, hoping to get a response. There was none. Rolling his eyes, Shiv spread Jak's legs, kneeling between them as he stroked himself into hardness. Convinced he was ready he lay on top of the prone form, positioning himself. He entered Jak, fast and hard, gasping at the feeling.

Jak gasped almost in unison as he awoke, sitting up quickly, panting heavily as Daxter clung for dear life onto his now-vertical perch. "Whoa easy there, buddy!" He said, sliding down onto Jak's lap. He stared up at his friend, a look of concern on his face.

Jak rubbed his eyes angrily, trying to erase the vision of Shiv on top of him, _inside_ of him, it was burned, _etched_ into his mind, a haunting reminder of what Light and Dark had seen while he was unconscious. Dax jumped onto the bed beside Jak, patting him sympathetically, the only thing he could thing of doing at the moment. All of a sudden Jak leapt from the bed, throwing the covers off of himself and running towards the bathroom, slamming the door behind him. He kneeled in front of the toilet, heaving into the bowl, body trembling from the nightmare and the abuse from the heaving.

He emptied what little was in his stomach then collapsed back, body landing painfully on the cold titled floor. He closed his eyes, images of Razer, of Shiv, using him, _abusing_ him were present and he found himself wanting to throw up, wanting to rid himself of the memories, of the dirt. He started to rip his clothes off, clawing furiously at his skin, leaving blood trails behind.

He didn't cry as he tore his skin, ripped away the dirt that no matter how hard he scratched would not budge. He felt Dark deep inside, pushing to the surface, he couldn't fully transform but he had enough eco to force out the long claws. The long claws tore deep into his tan skin, sending waves off pain shooting through his already battered body. He didn't stop though; he tore at his flesh, ripping away the dirt. He had become lost in himself, all he knew was he had to tear every last piece of skin from his body.

All he saw was red, all he heard was his thudding heart, until he heard a gently voice. Sweet, serene, loving. He felt his hands being pried away from his body, now no longer able to inflict damage to himself. He began to see through the haze, he saw a blurred face at first, then he saw the emerald eyes and soft turquoise of the Sage's daughter. He collapsed to floor, she too fell with him, he moved close to her, hiding his blood stained face in the crock of her neck.

She whispered softly to him, her small delicate hands stroking his bareback. He didn't cry as she held him, rocking them both back and forwards, he just held on to her, because in her arms things seemed a little better, the pain a little less.

**(………………)**

Keira watched Jak from her place in the kitchen; he was sitting on the couch, eyes barely open. She'd never seen Jak like this, he was broken and it pained her to believe it, but it was true. He wasn't the brave hero he was three days ago; he didn't give her a cocky smile or look her up and down when he thought she wasn't looking. He stared into space, body wrecked with tremors and his eyes dull and lifeless. She felt rage swell within as she thought of what Razer and his thugs had done. How could have they done this to Jak?

After all he had done for everyone, hell he saved the fucking world three times and this, _this_ was his thank you? To be raped… oh God. Her Jak, the man she loved had been raped; she knew it before, only now it had hit her full force. She fought off the tears; she had to stay strong for him, for Daxter. They had to get through this; they had to show Razer that nothing could, _would_ destroy Jak. But as she moved closer to Jak, his body now covered in bandages from where he tore at his skin, she had a sick feeling that Razer had already won.

She quickly demised the thought; Razer hadn't won, not yet. Jak was still here, he was just shattered but that didn't mean she couldn't fix him, she _would_ fix him, no matter what. She finally reached Jak, sitting down beside him, he glanced at her, forcing a smile that wasn't even half hearted, he let out a long sigh before looking away. She tenderly took his hand into her own, stroking her slim fingers across his palm.

"Are you hungry?" she asked, trying to make things seem normal.

He shook his head, the only response she received.

"Thirsty?" she asked "I can make you one of my famous hot chocolates?" she tried smiling but it was feeble.

He looked at her now, a small smile mirroring hers "Yeah, okay."

"Alright" She stood up, cautiously, as though sudden movements would frighten the young hero "Just hang tight."

Jak watched her walk away, 'just hang tight' Daxter had said that too, they well telling him to hang on, to hold onto his feeble life. He just wanted to close his eyes and slip away from it all, to fall into a world where none of this happened, to go to a place where there was no pain and no fear. He let his eyes close, images of Sandover returned to him, happy memories. He could smell the slaty see air; hear the ocean lapping gracefully at the shoreline. He could see Keira and Daxter, they were much younger, untroubled.

He could hear Keira and Daxter, they were calling to him, beckoning for him to come and play in the crystal waters. He let go, let go off all the pain, fear and humiliation. He slipped away from the world that surrounded him and lost himself in the memory of the life he left behind so long ago. He left behind the people he loved and sunk into the fantasy that was his safe haven.

**(………………)**

The large office doors slid open; Razer crossed the threshold and was greeted by the cool air conditioning and the pretty blonde who worked at the desk. She handed him his morning coffee, smiling brightly at him, she had a thing for him but she too young for the older man. He thanked her politely though and walked towards the elevated. He was alone in the lift, the soft music the only sound. He closed his eyes, remembering the day he made Jak his whore. It had felt so good to be inside the young hero. He'd never, in his life, felt such maddening pleasure and he wanted more of it.

The door slid open and he stepped out, clearing the thoughts of the racer from his mind. He headed to the only room on this floor, the large door opened and he stepped inside. The smell of coffee and smoke tingled his senses; he breathed it in. He saw the chair that stood behind the large pine desk swivel around; Mizo greeted him, his eyebrows drawn together, as though in deep thought.

"What can I do for you?"

"I want you to kill Jak," he said, standing.

Razer ground his teeth together; he didn't want to kill his new toy "He won't be winning the championship I can assure you."

"And how do you know this, Razer?"

Razer smirked, curl and evil "if you're worried about him racing then let the truth out."

Mizo smirked, mirroring Razer's "I think that's one of the bets ideas you've ever had."

**(………………)**

"What a fantastic day its been" GT Blitz said loudly while waving his arm towards the winner of the race "Sig, the Wastelander, has won his first race and what a race it was!" he shoved the microphone towards the much taller man "Hows it feel big guy?"

"Great" he said nonchalantly, he'd never liked Blitz and he wasn't in the mood to be interviewed by him.

"So where is Jak today? He asked, "Isn't it odd for him not to be here."

Sig bit his lip, he had no idea where Jak was and it was worrying him. Jak had become like a little brother to him and after seeing the way he looked yesterday, well he'd spent the rest of his own day anxiously wondering if he were ok "He's around."

"Sure hope so" he chortled "cause you guys are gonna need him to win this thing!"

Sig ground his teeth together, he felt panic stir deep inside.

"Oh this just in" he suddenly exclaimed, too suddenly, like it was an act. Sig narrowed his eyes as he grabbed the computerized notebook from Pecker "Wow this is a shock" he said skimming it before reading it out loud "Turns out that Jak will not be entering the competition dew to being viciously raped" he threw the notebook over his shoulder, then shoved the mic back towards Sig, who's jaw had practically hit the floor. "How does that make you feel?"

Sig shook his head to regain control of himself "I say you're lyin."

"Why would I make up such a horrible lie?" he asked, sounding truly offended. "But, hey, if you don't believe me, go find out for yourself."

Sig resited the urge to knock that cocky smile off Blitz face and turned around, body tense. He had only walked a few feet when he was greeted by Ashelin and Torn, both wearing uncertain expressions.

"Do you think its true?" Torn asked.

"I have no idea," Sig said calmly despite the panic that was overpowering him "I'll go see him and Dax and let you know" he walked past them wanting to know the truth, expecting the worst, hoping for the best.

"Sig."

He turned back to face Ashelin, her red hair falling over her face "Yeah?"

"Just please hurry" she said, fighting off the tears.

Sig nodded then turned away from his friends, just in time to hide the tear that formed in his eye.

**If anyone is even reading this story could they please, please review!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

The breeze brushed over Jak's skin, the sun warmed him and erased the goose bumps. He watched as the sun rose higher into the sky, he watched Keira, standing at the waters edge. Her hair swaying in the breeze and her eyes sparkling. She stared at Jak, a look of love shinning in her emerald orbs. He stepped closer to her, wanting to reach out and hold her. She smiled at him, making him go weak at the knees. He reached out to her, wanting, _needing_, to hold her.

His hand went right through her. He stared at her with bewilderment. He tried to touch her again, ending with the same result. She was still smiling at him, like nothing was wrong, but everything was wrong. He felt the air cool, the sun vanished and the shadows crept towards them. He wrapped his arms around himself, a feeling of insecurity washing over him. But he had no reason to be scared, he was safe, no harm would come to him in peaceful Sandover.

"Come back to me" Keira said, smile fading, eyes dulling.

"What?" Jak asked, voice hoarse.

"Please" Keira began to fade into the shadows.

"Keira" Jak felt panic spike within him, what did she mean by that? He was here, she was here, they were safe, _together_. So why did a feeling of fear and panic sweep over him as the shadows loomed closer. He watched as Keira completely vanished, leaving him alone. "Keira!" he shouted, his echoing voice the only reply he received.

'**Jak' **came a soft voice, similar to his own **'Jak, snap out of it.'**

"JAK!!!!"

Jak's eyes snapped open. Every memory, every ach, every second of the worst days of his life came flooding back. The pain, the anguish, the humiliation, it was a tidal wave of emotions and he fought desperately to hold back the tears. He sobbed; a few tears ran unnoticed down his face. He gasped, trying to suck enough air into his lungs but he felt like he was choking, the heavy emotions and memories were suffocating him. He gagged, the taste of bile rose in his throat but he swallowed it back down. He closed his eyes, doing everything in his power to control himself; the pain of the present was unbearable.

"Hey, just breathe" he felt a soft slim hand on his forehead, the touch cooling and calming "you're alright, we're here."

Alright? He wasn't alright? He was so very fucking far from it. Still, he opened his eyes and took in the worried faces. Keira sat beside him, her hand now in his own, he turned to face Daxter, he sat on his lap, eyes shinning with concern, something rear. He then looked at Sig… Sig? Why was he here? Oh God had they told him? Did he know how pathetic and weak he was? He looked at his friend, who wore an unreadable expression; he didn't know what to think.

"You ok?" Daxter asked, shifting so he was now on his shoulder.

Well Jak wasn't anymore ok then he was alright but they didn't have to know it "Yeah… I'm…" he trailed off, he wasn't ok. God he wasn't. "Not exactly ok."

"Razer won't get away with this Jak" Sig said, drawing the young man's attention to him "I'll personally see to it myself."

"How do you know what happened?" he asked, voice cracking.

Sig looked to Keira then to Daxter before looking back at Jak "GT Blitz found out somehow and told everyone… live."

Jak felt his heart lunch into his throat, he told everyone! Live! "Wh… what?" Oh God, why was this all happening?

"Its ok Jak" Sig said reaching out to him but Jak pulled back, fear and panic crossing his features. Sig put aside his hurt and recoiled his hand, he didn't want Jak to feel more upset then he already did "everything'll be ok."

He shook his head, fighting off the tears and sobs "No" he said, anger leaking into his tone "How can it be? Everyone knows! Nothing is ok!" Jak shot to his feet, ignoring the pain the swift motions caused. He turned and stormed away from his friends, the loud bang of the bedroom door the only thing lifting the silence that fell over the others.

**(………………)**

Daxter watched the bedroom door shut, slam shut, he felt his heart ache and his ears dropped. He turned to face Sig and Keira, both looking concerned and uncertain. Daxter thought about what Jak had said, that nothing was ok, well he was right, very right. How could this be ok, what part of this was ok? It wasn't ok, it wasn't alright. It was fucking screwed up. This whole thing was stupid, fucked, who decided that this should happen? Who the hell said 'lets make Jak suffer'? Well if Daxter ever found out they'd be dead, as would Razer and his thugs, who had inflicted the damage.

But that wouldn't fix this, it wouldn't fix Jak. Killing Razer and his thugs wouldn't make everything magically better, it wouldn't heal the wounds they had made, it'd make Daxter feel better though. It wasn't about Daxter though, it was about Jak, it was about making him better again. If that was possible. He'd seen Jak down, seen him angry, hell he'd seen his dark side (literally) but nothing, _nothing_ scared him more then the Jak he saw now. He was broken, shattered into hundreds of pieces and Daxter wasn't sure he could fix him.

He looked down, blue eyes filling with tears. He felt a strange feeling swell within him, a feeling he hadn't felt before, a feeling of defeat and desolation. He felt like he had lost his best friend, the friend he had nearly lost too many times already. But this was different; Jak was here, just not all of him. He was like a shell, the person, _his best friends_, was not there anymore.

"Jak will be ok" Keira said, more to herself then the others "we just have to give him support and show him that there's a way back."

Daxter looked at Keira, tears visible in her eyes "is there a way back?" he choked out.

"There is" Sig spoke now, his deep voice composed "He just needs us to not give up, to believe in him and you can't let him slip into a fantasy world, he might not snap out of it next time."

They both nodded, words escaping them.

"I need to go let Torn and Ashelin know what's going on" he rose to his feet, now towering over Keira and Daxter.

"Can you tell my father" Keira said wiping angrily at her tears "he should be able to help."

"Alright" he forced a smile "Hang tight guys, it's gonna be ok."

Daxter watched Sig leave; his eyes then went to the bedroom door, he sighed heavily then made his way to it. He hesitated, he didn't really want to leave Jak alone but he might need to be. Though it had been terrifying when he slipped into the strange fantasy world, he'd become lost in his own mind, they just managed to reach him. Fear of that happening again had Daxter heading into the room, he found Jak on the bed, staring out the window. He tentatively walked towards the bed, measuring each step, as though one wrong move would make his friend break. He jumped up beside him, Jak turned to look at him, a strange, almost frightening look was in his eyes.

"When's the next race?" he asked, voice firm and no hint of a quiver.

"Excuse me?" Daxter asked, looking at Jak like he'd asked the most horrific question.

"The next race" he repeated "when is it?"

"Tomorrow morning" Daxter said, eyes filling with worry and slight alarm. "Why?"

"I'm gonna race" he said, said it like he also did, but right now, right this very minute was not like all times. He'd been assaulted and he wanted to race?

"Um… are you… ok to race?" Daxter asked, this wasn't good, this was _so_ not good.

"I'm fine" he snapped, brow furrowing,

"Ok then" Daxter said, and ok was the wrong word because things were so very far from ok. Jak wasn't ok, he wasn't ok, Keira wants ok no body was ok. Yet Jak wanted to race, he was acting like he was fine, he was acting like Dark. Daxter studied Jak, his eyes seemed darker, but not pitch black like they turned when he transformed into dark, not to mention he still looked like himself. No horns or claws or that deathly pale skin, he was Jak, with Dark's personality. This wasn't good, oh no this wasn't good.

**(………………)**

"This is ridiculous, he can't race!" Keira said shaking her head.

Daxter sighed heavily, this argument had been going on for what felt like hours. They were all gathered at the motel's bar, away from the usual visitors. Daxter had told Keira that Jak wanted to race tomorrow, by the time he had gone back out to greet her, Sig and the rest of gang had come to the motel. They had all been looking solemn, like they had just lost someone, and that's how Daxter had felt earlier, when he saw the despair in his friends eyes. Then all of sudden, out of nowhere, he said he wanted to race and a look of determination crossed his features. He seemed like Jak again, but it had been like switching on a light, one minute he was breaking and then he was… fixed. Daxter knew something wasn't right, but what he could do? They needed Jak, he was the best racer, they'd surely fail without him.

"We have no choice," he said with a deep sigh "Jak has to win this thing or we all die."

"But Jak's not stable enough to race" Keira said, her voice nearly quivering "He was raped three days ago Daxter, he can't race."

"Keira's right" Ashelin said "But so is Daxter" she let out a her own sigh, "we need Jak, we won't win without him."

"But the kid can't race" Torn interjected "He must be a complete mess."

"He is a mess" Daxter exclaimed, making a few people turn to look at the group that hid in the corner "But he still has to race."

"Daxter" Keira snapped, still keeping her voice low "we can not let him."

"Maybe we should" Sig said, speaking for the first time "if we don't he'll just feel like he's being made to do something he doesn't want."

Silence fell over the bickering group, Jak had already been forced into something he didn't want to do, they couldn't force him not to race. He didn't need more people overpowering. It was still crazy though. Jak should be a mess, a sobbing, scared mess, but he was ready to race or ready to kill? They all knew he'd seek Razer out on the track; they didn't need to think twice about it. It may have been the only reason he wanted to race, just to kill Razer, but if he could do that and win, then that's exactly what they all needed.

"So its settle" Sig said "Jak races."

**(………………)**

Ready. Set. Go.

Jak was ready; he was set, he was certain that today he'd kill Razer. He pushed all of the haunting memories away, locked them deep in his mind, he set his mask in place. Today he was ok, today he was fine. He stared at the Road Blade, the bright red paint shinning bright, shinning like blood. He ran his fingers over the car, feeling the coolness bite at his skin. He turned away from the car, eyes scanning his surroundings. All his enemies were here all lined up and ready for him to kill. He felt the rage swell within him; they would pay for the humiliation and pain they put him through.

"Are you sure about this Jak" Daxter asked, from his usual perch on his shoulder "we can still walk away."

"Not going anywhere Dax" his brow furrowed, his lips set in a thin line "we're going to race and we're going to win."

"Ah… ok" Daxter murmured, shivering at the harshness in Jak's voice "what about Blitz, he looks like he coming over here."

Jak glanced towards the annoying TV host, he was indeed heading this way. He forced down his anger and braced himself for the interview; Blitz would have lots of questions.

"Well, well" he said, microphone already extended to Jak "look who's back! And so soon. Are you sure you can race? After what happened?"

He was trading on thin ice but Jak held back the urge to kill the man "It's a tough sport" he said, smirking for the first time in four days "Bad things happen."

"And you really got the short end of the stick" he chuckled, laughed, this wasn't something to laugh at, Blitz was about to be added to Jak's to kill list list "But, hey, good to have you back, rookie" he laughed again, a laugh that made Jak want to rip his head off but lucky for Blitz he chose this time to walk away.

"Bad things happen?" Daxter asked, his eyes searching Jak's, this wasn't Jak, God this wasn't Jak.

Jak ignored Daxter and got into the car; the race would be staring any moment now. He glanced around again, he could see Razer, he hadn't noticed that Jak was here yet, he would thought, most likely be too late though. Jak smirked as he drove towards the starting line, Ashlin and Torn pulled up on either side of him, like they were protecting him, he didn't need to be looked after. The rest of the racers filled in behind him, Shiv and Edje were behind him he felt burning rage build within him.

He turned back, eyes on the track, he would win and Razer would die, that he was certain of. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, the light turned green and the world around him slipped away. He drove hard and fast, eyes searching for Razer, that was the man he wanted to kill, this was the man he would kill.

"Jak" Daxter shouted, "This was a bad idea."

"No it wasn't," he said inaudibly as he gunned the engine, tyers screeching "I'm gonna find you Razer!"

Engines roared, tyers screeched, the second lap was a blood bath, this race was too important to lose and everyone was taking it to the max. If anyone survived this race it would be a miracle, Jak didn't care if he died or not, he'd rather die, it'd make everything a lot easier, they'd be no more pain. But he wouldn't fall without taking Razer with him. If Jak was going to die then so Razer and speak of the devil, he had just pulled out behind Jak. Jak smirked; a smirk that sent chills through Daxter.

Jak slammed on the breaks, Razer speed past him. Jak put the saying 'pedal to the metal' on a whole new level and he speed towards Razer with a murderous glint in his eyes. Trigger finger itchy, he began firing at the sleek black and red car; he felt pride as each bullet embedded itself in the car, as each bullet destroyed it a little more. That's what Razer had done to Jak, taken him apart, piece-by-piece. Jak would gladly do the same; only he wouldn't sink as low as Razer. He wouldn't destroy him in the worst way imaginable.

Jak felt the sudden sweep of fear; Razer's face was clear in his minds eye. There he was, too close, invading him, hurting him, turning him into his whore. Jak fired off another round at the sleek car. Razer was going to die for what he did and Jak would die with him, the memories now suddenly unbearable again. He couldn't live and pretend everything was going to get better, nothing was going to get better and before he ended his own life he'd take Razer with him.

"Got you now Razer" Jak said through clenched teeth, he was ready, one hit of the button and Razer was gone.

"JAK!!"

Jak heard Daxter shout out to him, after that, everything went dark.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Voices, images, screams, hands, touching, rage, too close, pain, too close, fear.

_Too close…_

Jak's eyes slowly opened, blurred faces hovered over him, he tried to move but he felt too sore. He just lay there, helpless, unable to recognize the faces and unable to remember where he was. He closed his eyes, images flashed in his mind. Everything came back, slow at first then it all hit him, like a tidal wave. He felt the roller coast of emotions hit him hard and fast, it was so much to take in, the rage, pure burning rage, fear, fear that made him cold and humiliation, humiliation that left him wanting to hide.

But something was off, why had he raced today? He hadn't wanted to race, hell he hadn't wanted to get out of bed, so why the hell had he raced? Voices, he remembered Dark's words, hissing at him, calling him weak and pathetic. That's when it happened, he listened to Dark's words and took the dark eco, then, _then_ he didn't remember. He remembered pain, rage, blinding rage, then nothing. Oh God.

Jak sat up, shockwaves of pain seared through his body and hands, touching him, too close, _too close_. He was held still, pushed back down, _no, please no_. He started to struggle, fighting against the firm hands that held him, _please, no_, not again. He felt the horrible panic swell within him and he tried to reach out to Dark but he couldn't find him, why wasn't he here? Had he used too much energy on his rampage, the one Jak could not remember right now.

"_JAK!!"_

It all came back, the race, the rage, the crash. As he fought against the people who held him down as he saw images of the race, felt the rage, the rage of Dark. He'd taken control all right, but not the way he usual did, he'd taken over Jak's mind and body but without needing to transform, oh God. That was so much worse. He'd gone after Razer, tried to kill him on the tracks, they'd crashed. Daxter's panicked voice rang his eat, oh God, was he ok, where was Daxter, where was Jak?

He fought harder now; he held back the anguished screams as he failed to break free. Please, please, not again, _not again_. He tried, _tried _so hard to break free, to escape the iron grip but it was pointless, God, please, let him go. He felt the tears threaten to spill from behind his closed lids, he would not cry, he would not cry.

"Jak!"

He heard his name, someone was calling to him, pleading, _begging _for him to calm down and snap out of it. How could he be calm? How could he even consider being calm when he was about to violated again? He couldn't win though. He let his body go limp and fall back to the bed. He took in a deep breath, breathing in a sweet smell. He knew that smell, it belonged to Keira. He slowly opened his eyes, this time waiting for the faces to clear before panicking.

Finally the faces became clear to him; Keira and Daxter were there, talking to him. He didn't know what they were saying but their presence made him feel safe, he looked away from them and saw Sig standing over him, he must have been the one holding him down. He was safe though, safe from Razer and his thugs and their impure intentions.

He was safe. No harm would come to him and with that he passed out from exhaustion.

**(………………)**

Razer, Shiv, the pain… it was too much.

He was in _that_ alleyway again, but something was different. Shiv and Razer were standing off to the side of his limp form, blending into the shadows, as Edje approached him, his eyes glinting in the pale moonlight. Oh God, he thought, God no…

The memory skipped, he saw Edje pounding into him, saw the listless look in his eyes as he slipped in and out of consciousness, heard the disgusting sounds that filled the alley, the chuckles of the three spectators.

He woke with a start, his face wet with tears. He wiped them away quickly as Daxter peeked into the room; he rushed to him, moving like lightening. Well they didn't nickname him orange lightening for no reason. He was on the bed in a few bounds, he stared up at Jak with a hint of anger, only now did Jak see that his small arm was in a sling.

"Dax" he reached to him "what happened?"

"What happened?" he asked, loudly "You went crazy!"

Jak recalled some of the memories from earlier, before he passed out from the exhaustion "Dark took over."

"Uhh… no you went loopy and said you wanted to race" he sounded like the old Daxter but how long would it last?

"I did?" he tried to remember, he remembered racing, the crash, he'd crashed "Dark took over" he repeated "only he didn't need me to transform."

"So… wait? Dark took over without hulking out?"

Jak nodded, he felt the heavy weight of his emotions press in on him, making him recoil into himself.

"But he's never done that before" Daxter said, voice lowing and eyes clouding with distress, he could see Jak closing himself off.

"Maybe… maybe its just because I'm weak at the moment" he hated having to admit it and say it out loud but it was true, he was weak "I can't hear him though, it must have worn him out."

"Well as long as he doesn't do it again" Daxter grumbled "and no more dark eco AT ALL until you can control yourself, ok."

Jak nodded, the horrible feeling of depression was taking over him "Did I kill Razer?" he found it hard to say his name, just saying it left a bad taste in his mouth and his head filled with _those _images.

"Sadly no" Daxter flopped down onto the bed, ears dropping and tail wrapping around his small frame "Jak… it's gonna be ok" Daxter nearly choked on the words, his own emotions now weighing tons.

Jak looked down, hiding his tears that he refused to let go of "how?"

"We'll make it ok" Daxter said with a feeble attempted at a smile "we will."

Jak didn't look at friend, he closed his eyes, blocking out the world and all the pain within it. He couldn't deal with anything right now, he just wanted to cry, to _scream_ 'why God why' but he did none of these. He reopened his eyes; the room seemed darker, like there was no sun, not for him, not any more. He looked at Daxter, he was watching him carefully, watching him break and fall. He couldn't help it this time. He had fallen, this was his last stand, he wouldn't, _couldn't,_ get back up.

**(………………)**

Razer once again found himself in Mizo's office. He was not happy. Jak had been racing again. Razer was surprised, he knew Jak wasn't destroyed but he doubted he'd come and race. But he had, he had tried to him kill to. He'd come close, luckily Shiv had sent a missile at them, it had knocked them off course, sending them crashing into the wall. It hadn't been bad though, they were still alive and Mizo was pissed. He wanted Jak dead. Razer wanted him all for himself.

As he walked into Mizo office he found his boss facing the window, watching the people down below. Razer stopped a few feet from his desk; he forced away the need, the desire for the young racer and waited for Mizo to address him.

"I'm not happy" he said darkly "Jak raced today!" he turned around, slowly, like it tortured Razer "you said he wouldn't be racing and I told all those stupid fans and his friends what you did to him and yet he still raced!"

"Yes… I know" Razer said, lighting a smoke "but once I finish with him."

"You mean once you finish him off" he snapped "I want him dead, six feet under, at the bottom of the ocean, I want him gone, Razer! You got it?"

Razer bit his lip, forcing down the nasty comments "its crystal clear."

**(………………)**

_Don't fall asleep, don't fall asleep, don't fall asleep._ Jak repeated the same words over and over as he lay beneath the covers, the room cloaked in darkness. He'd been fighting off sleep all day. He hadn't been disturbed since his out burst in the lounge room. He felt so humiliated, everyone knew, fuck, everyone knew. They could all see him for the loser, _the whore,_ he was. He forced away the burning tears, he would not cry, he would not break.

_He was already broken_.

Sleep seemed to be closing in, the emotions and pain pulling him, _forcing_ him into the darkness, into the memories of his attack. Jak didn't want to sleep, he feared the thought, because he knew what he'd see when he closed his eyes. Memories came flooding back as soon as he closed his eyes. Razer, Shiv, the pain… it was too much. But finally the exhaustion was too strong; his lids slid shut and fell into the realm of sleep. He was in the alleyway again, but something was different He didn't remember it, any of it, but he'd been awake then, he'd tried to crawl away, but he was stopped by a heavy boot on his back.

"Going somewhere?" Cutter chuckled, stooping to look Jak in the eye. Jak looked up, hardly seeing him, looking past him, towards freedom. Cutter bent, grabbing Jak by the armpits, dragging him into a sitting position. After making sure he wasn't going to fall over, Cutter undid his pants, letting them fall to his feet, revealing his already-hard member. Evidently watching his accomplice's rape a helpless young man got him all hot and bothered.

Jak's eyes widened as he realized what Cutter had in mind, but he had no time to react before Shiv was kneeling behind him, holding his head still as Cutter shoved himself down his throat, choking him with his girth.

The memory slipped in and out of focus, slow and fast-motion, Cutter screaming something at him, twisting his ears, Shiv behind him, bucking his hips, trying to get himself off without letting go of Jak's head. He remembered the wet feeling on his back as Shiv finally came, that wasn't the worst though. Cutter followed, hot and sticky in his mouth, Jak gagged and tried to pull back, tried to spit out the disgusting stuff. Shiv didn't let him though, he was held still until he swallowed the vile tasting gunk.

He woke up gagging.

He managed to hold down the bile that seemed to be constantly burning his throat. He blinked away the tears and sleep, he wouldn't sleep again, not tonight. Night? He looked out the window, the sun had most likely set long ago and the room was shadowed in darkness. He looked around the room; Daxter was sound asleep next to him, his own emotions leaving him just as exhausted. Jak felt his stomach growl hungrily, he hadn't eaten much in the last four days and the thought of food made him ill but he needed to eat.

He unraveled himself from the covers, being careful not to wake Daxter. He left the room; his heighten eyesight making it easy to walk in the dark. He stepped out into the lounge room, the moon was shinning brightly though the windows. He walked towards the kitchen, switching on a few lights; he'd never needed to before only now the darkness seemed frightening. The darkness, the shadows, it knew what had been done to him, what he let happen, it knew how he enjoyed it, how he'd been a whore for Razer.

He suddenly felt sick; he stared at the fridge with disgust. He sighed heavily, he just wished he could close his eyes and open them to find that none of this had ever happened. He heard a noise come from behind him; he tensed and spun to face the source of the sound. Keira stood behind him, her eyes glazed with sleep.

"Hey" Jak said, voice sounding weak, weak and pathetic.

"Hey" she said, covering up a yawn "You ok?"

"I guess" he shrugged "Can I get you anything?"

She shook her head, a tired smile on her angelic face "You scared me today" she said, eyes downcast "Dax said it was just Dark but was it?" she looked up now "I don't have any idea as to how you feel right now but…"

"You think I tried to kill myself?"

"No… I don't" her shoulders sagged "I don't know want I think… I'm so angry and I'm so worried about you."

Jak tried to smile, really tried but he still failed "I… it was Dark who took over, but I was there too, like I was watching and I was sorta in control, and… I guess I sorta did try and kill myself." It was his turn to look away "I've never felt this way Keira… it's just… hard."

"It'll get better."

He looked back at her, in her eyes he saw hope, hope that it would get better but his own hope was feeble "You know I could use one of your hot chocolates" subject change, that's what he needed, he didn't want to deal, _to_ _remember,_ right now.

"One coming up" she walked past him, Jak felt his body tense as she got to close and he just wanted to break down and cry. It'd taken him so long to get over his time in prison, it'd taken so long just to be touched and now this happened. He just wanted to feel safe in the world, was he asking too much? Well since all this happened, clearly he would be asking too much.

So this was his life, to be scared, to be _afraid_ of the world. He was drowning in darkness now, the murky waters had claimed him and were pulling him down. And it was lonely here, cold, dark and lonely. The water, the darkness, were drowning him, taking him to a place where the light would not shine and hope would not prevail. Without realising it Jak slipped to the floor, the force sending pain through his _used _body. The darkness closed in, all light now gone, all hope lost. He would succumb to the darkness, become lost forever in its tainted waters.

This was his life now.

The darkness welcomed him with open arms.

**(………………)**

_Please snap out of it, God please, just fucking snap out of it Jak! _Daxter's thoughts were frantic. He shook Jak like a rag doll, he shook him, he yelled, he screamed hell he even fucking cried but Jak wouldn't snap out of his fantasy world. He just stared blankly at Daxter, with soulless_, lifeless_ eyes. It was like he was dead, nothing but the beat of his heart to show that he was alive. Daxter was desperate now, he was losing it, scratch that, he'd lost it. Lost it about the time the first tear fell. Daxter broke but did not fall into the shadow land where his friend dwelled.

"Fuck!" he shouted, all eyes on him, God why was everyone even here. "WAKE THE FUCK UP!"

"Daxter" Samos hit Daxter over his head with his walking stick "yelling at him won't help."

"Besides he is awake, just not there," Sig mused.

"Well I knew THAT" the Ottsel shouted "Jesus fucking Precursor snap out of it Jak."

"Stop it" Keira shouted "he's scared, stop yelling."

Daxter looked to Jak, his eyes were full of fear yet somehow still lifeless "Jak" voice low now, soft hands rubbing soothing circles on his arm "Jak, wake up, please."

No response, not even a blink or a grunt.

Daxter turned to his friends, this was like a freaking circus, everyone was staring at Jak, like at any moment he'd snap out of his fantasy world and be ok. He wasn't going to be ok though, not for a very long time. Daxter sighed then snuggled into Jak, his warmth and soft breathing helped remind Daxter that he was still with him, somewhere.

"Um… so what do we do?" Torn asked "beside just keep watching him."

"He needs to snap out of it" Sig said "but something scared him, made him retreat."

"Did it have anything to do with being RAPED" Daxter snapped angrily "cause that's a great reason to lock yourself in your own mind."

"What about Light" Keira said suddenly "or Dark, what if we try and reach them?"

"Well Dark did take over Jak" Daxter mused, still unwhere that Jak had been there as well, helping Dark to kill himself "Um… Light, are you there? Answer me, please."

Something changed; Jak's eyes grew light, not the ocean blue but not the stormy blue they had been ever since had been raped. The glowed, with life, with eco. Jak blinked, or rather Light blinked for Jak. He looked at Daxter, he smiled, a smile that Jak himself could not muster up at the moment. Everyone gasped at the response.

"Jak… I mean Light" Daxter said shakily "is Jak… ok?"

"He's scared" it sounded like Jak speaking, but his voice was light, soft and serene "Really scared. He just doesn't feel safe, he feels a failure and he's let the darkness pull him under."

"How do we reach him?" Keira asked, moving closer.

"He needs to find the light" he said, with a small smiling, though once he was gone there wouldn't be many smiles from Jak. "He will snap out of it, soon, I'll make sure of it, so will Dark, though not in the same manner. Just have hope."

"How do we help him get over this?" Daxter asked, fighting off tears.

"Love and support, and just be cautious, he is easily scared. Get too close and he panics" he looked from Daxter to Torn and Sig "You both frighten him, he feels weak and won't show it but anyone who can overpower him makes him upset."

"What about the guilt?" Samos asked.

"He needs to find it in himself to forgive and accept it but that will happen with time, just be patient and carrying." With that the light disappeared from Jak's eyes and he became an empty shell once more. He didn't even seem to notice light had taken over.

Daxter watched Torn and Sig stand, moving out of Jak's line of sight but not leaving him completely. Ashelin moved to Keira and embraced her in hug, while they both fought off tears. He'd never seen everyone so grime, never seen them so broken and upset, he'd never knew they cared this much. Daxter snuggled back in next to Jak and let the realm of sleep claim him.

Hoping, _praying_, that when he woke up Jak would be ok.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

Cold, fear, darkness, screams, pain, _them_.

Hands rough, air cold, cries unheard, darkness surrounding, pain consuming. Tears didn't fall, he wouldn't give them the satisfaction, he cried, _he died_. Voices fading, hands leaving, air warming, light shinning. He opened his eyes, room bright but dull at the same time, he took in a deep breath and blinked, trying, _trying_ so hard to make the images disappear. Soft hands, caring voices, concern clouding the air. Jak took in the faces; Keira and Daxter were there, eyes filled with relief.

He sat up, body hurting, body protesting, he forced himself into a sitting position. The air seemed thick, too hard to suck into his burning lungs, to painful to get down his roar throat. Had he been screaming? He shivered at the sudden coolness; he pulled the blankets tightly around himself, hiding from the world. No one spoke, no words could, _would_, fix this. They just moved next to him, not too close but not too far. He only now realised he was in the lounge room, midday sun pouring in through the large windows.

Cold sweat, pounding head, breaking heart, sleep returning. Jak fought away his fatigue; sleep was where his fears dwelled, where the events that shattered him replayed. He would not let the darkness claim him, he was not safe there but he was not safe here. He drew his limps closer to his body, trying to make himself look as small as he could, trying just to disappear. Daxter jumped onto his shoulder, the familiar weight comforting and calming.

Breathing hurt, moving killed, why wouldn't the pain just stop? He'd taken all the light eco he had and he still ached, still hurt. He tried willing it away, tried telling himself it was not there, didn't stop. Hurt all the more. Eyes on him, concern so thick you could cut it with a knife, he forced a smile, half-hearted, but the air seemed to thin.

Sleep creeps in.

Blink, once, twice, three times, don't succumb to it. Jak shifts, every position seems to hurt and sleep is the only way to escape it. Sleep was hellish though, filled with vivid dreams, _nightmares_, of what he let happen. Shivers, tremors, stomach churning and bile rising. Hold it back, close your eyes, you are safe_, you are safe_. Soft words whispered, gentle, smooth hands holding you, steady breathing calming. Pain still there. Body aches, bones throb, inside burns.

"Are you ok" is asked, no is the answer but he doesn't say it, just keeps his eyes closed only to see them… _him_. He reopens his eyes; his friends are still looking at him with concern and distress. He tries to act like he's ok, but he isn't ok, he's far from it. Can't deal with it any more, can't hide the truth though, can't forget, won't be able to forget. Not now, _not ever_. The darkness is near, hovering close, waiting for him to fall again. Fighting, _trying_, searching for the light, only to find the shadow land stretches on for miles and miles.

"Jak" words whispered, as though if they weren't he'd break. He looks at Keira, she doesn't know what else to say, she's searching his eyes, trying to find something, _anything_, that will tell her what to do next. She looks tired, weighed down and exhausted by the emotions that were drowning everyone. Seeing her look so hurt makes his heart break and knowing he is the reason for it makes it that much worse. Anger flares deep inside, rage burns like fire and the dark eco sends searing pain in every direction.

Burning rage fills him and he hates himself for being so weak and letting them, _him_, do this. When they destroyed him, when they tore him apart piece-by-piece they hurt her, they hurt Daxter. Their pain, their anguish is your fault, because you're weak, because you're _pathetic_. The tears they cry, the sleep they loss is because of you and your inability to save yourself from falling prey to them, _to him_.

They shouldn't be here, they shouldn't be helping you, you're anguish will drown them. You can't let that happen. Standing you walk away, they ask if you're ok and where you are going but you don't answer. You keep walking and ever step hurts, hurts as much as it did the first time. Know idea where you're going you just head to the door, they stop you. She's standing in front of you, looking brave and standing her ground. Dax is on your shoulder, both urging you to come sit back down.

No words are spoken, eyes glued to the door, glued to freedom, you won't bring them down. Suddenly you feel dizzy, sick, and standing is hard. She catches you, sort of, but you don't fall. She has you, he has you, they wont let you fall. Darkness closes in, serene and safe, until the nightmares return, but you can't fight it, pain too much, their pain _too_ much. Eyes slip close, legs fall from under you, pain shoots though you before you are swallowed by the darkness.

Their panicked cries following you.

**(………………)**

Don't scream, don't cry, don't break, it's just a dream… it's just a _memory_.

Eyes wide open, panic lacing itself around you, strickening your breathing. Where are you? All you see is white; all you hear is your heart drumming in your ears, until something breaks through. Beeping, uneven beeping. Vision clears and the room comes in focus, it screams hospital but how did you get here? Images dance behind your eyes. Pain, wanting to run, falling, darkness. It all comes back as fast as the fear that is now too thick in the air.

'Look at me Jak' voice familiar, the fear creeps away, slowly, ever so slowly. Everything makes sense now; fear and panic are still there but not choking you. Deep breaths, one, two, three, reopening his eyes the faces become clear and he relaxes, somewhat. Keira and Daxter are still by your side, not leaving, _not ever_.

"You scared us Jak" Daxter said "for the millionth time in five days."

"Sorry."

"Forgiven" Daxter sighs then flops down beside you "you feeling ok?"

Ok. Never again would he be ok "I guess" silence, words lost. "Why am I here?"

"You ah passed out" Daxter replied "and with no eco left, this was our only option. I know you hate hospitals but we really had no choice."

"Its ok" and there it was again, ok, 'its ok' well its not "when can I leave?"

"They want to keep you in Jak" Keira spoke now, her voice easing some of his pain but her words enraging him "it's policy."

"Policy for what?" he asked scowling.

"Rape victims" Keira said, not meeting his eyes.

Right, victim, victim of his own stupidity and weakness.

"But it won't be so bad" Daxter says light heartily and Jak forces a smile.

"Jak" Keira stands, placing her small hand on his arm "I have to go and take a look at the cars, the race was rough today and they need to be in shape to race again tomorrow, but I'll be back late, I promise" she leans in, kissing him softly on the forehead "take it easy, ok?"

"Be careful."

"Sig's in the waiting room so he'll take me to the garage" she smiled, soft and feeble "don't worry about me, I'm safe."

Jak chewed at his lip, forcing away the urge to tell her she wasn't safe but the truth was he was the one who wasn't safe "I'll see ya later" she said giving him another smile then left, her sweet smelling perfume lingering in the air.

"You should eat Jak" Daxter said.

"Not hungry."

"You need to eat," he said, frowning "for me?"

Jak looked at his fuzzy friend, he was pleading, _begging_ for him to eat "Ok, for you."

**(………………)**

Food has no taste, the water has no warmth, no matter how hot it is, sleep brings no peace, the darkness crashes in. Jak fought sleep, fought desperately to stay awake, to keep himself from dreaming, from _remembering_. It was late; Daxter had long ago succumbed, leaving Jak to his thoughts, _his memories_. He tried to push them away, tried to lock them deep in his mind where they would not cause pain or bring misery, but the door would not stay shut.

He was getting desperate now, wanting, _needing_, to rid himself of the haunting, _taunting_, memories. He wanted to just slip away, to fall into his fantasy world but even there his demons dwelled. There was no place left to hide from the pain, it had consumed him. It all became clear, it hit him full force, the truth to his pain. He'd known it but he chose not to believe it, he'd fought for a while but the weight of the memories crashed down on him. He let the tears fall as he accepted that he had been raped. Not just bashed black and blue but raped and forced to do things against his will.

The dam burst and he cried in anguish as all the memories shot through his head. Through his heaving sobs and small whimpers he'd woken Daxter, who was know curdling his head in his small arms. Jak's tears soaked Daxter's fur and shorts but they wouldn't stop. Daxter just held him, small paws massaging his scalp tenderly. The tears finally came to an end, Jak had no idea how long he had cried for but he knew his eyes were now puffy and red. Daxter gave him a half-hearted smile before placing Jak's head on the pillow and crawling under the covers with him.

The feel of his fur against Jak's skin was calming, it reminded him that he was safe. He let his head fall against Daxter's as sleep took hold of him. Pulling him deep into his own personal hell.

**(………………)**

Keira stared at the ceiling, it was smooth, perfect, unlike the days that were unfolding for Jak. She'd never felt so overwhelmed with emotions before, it was exhausting yet sleep wouldn't come. She wondered if Jak was ok, well, he wasn't ok, wouldn't be ok for a long time but she just wanted to know what he felt. He blamed himself, so Light had said; he thought this was his fault, not uncommon in rape victims. But there it was, a word now so horrid to her she didn't want to use it. That's all it took to bring down the hero she knew so well.

It enraged her, she wasn't angry at Jak, God no, her anger towards Razer burned. She'd never hated someone so much, how could he do this? And what about his thugs? Had they just watched or joined in? She didn't want to know but a part of her did, she wanted to know how many she had to kill. Though some part of told her that as soon as Jak was back on his feet he would kill Razer himself or Dark would.

Another thought merged deep in her mind, what if Jak tried taking his own life again? Sure the other day had been Dark more so then Jak but he'd still been there, just not fully. She demised the thoughts before they went deeper, Jak was a fighter, he survived two years in the Baron's prison so he'd pull through this, and this time he had people who loved to help him. But he still lingered dangerously close to contemplating suicide, but right now he was in the Kras City hospital, so he would do no harm to himself there.

With uneasy thoughts still crashing down, Keira managed to full into a restless sleep.

**(………………)**

Dark, cold, light, warm but still so cold. Dreams, _nightmares_ fading, fading into the nightmare that is your waking life. Its bright in the room, the sun should be warm but you are still so cold. Fear is creeping in, fighting doesn't work anymore. You accepted the reason for your fear, the reason for your hellish dreams. You know you just have to make it though the day without breaking and falling into the darkness. You look to Daxter, his eyes shinning with anguish and uncertainty, he doesn't know what to do or say, neither do you.

"I'm sorry," Daxter whispered softly, "I just want you to feel ok, tell me how to help you."

Jak chewed at his lip, he didn't know what to say, he didn't know what would help, what _could_ help. Jak pulled his fury company into his arms, hiding his face in his fur. He breathed in the sent that was Daxter, his friend for as long as he could remember. "Just… don't let me fall asleep."

Daxter croaked his head to the side but nodded "We'll tell ghost stories or something" it was half a joke but it bought a half-hearted smile to Jak's face.

"Yeah, like old times" he released Daxter from the embrace and slowly sat up, body still aching "Keira come in yet?"

"She'll be here around midday" Daxter replied "she's gotta check the cars before the race, after Mizo sabotaged yours we can't take any risks."

Jak nodded in agreement, no words left to say, so he went and showered. The bathroom was cold, sending chills through his body; he clenched his jaw so his teeth wouldn't chatter. He stepped under the warm water, it did little to warm him or wash away the dirt that tainted his skin. He closed his eyes, his breathing increased and he felt the familiar burn of tears sting his eyes. He swallowed the dry lump in his throat and tried to force away the tears, _the pain_, the humiliation.

Deep breath, you're ok, you're ok, you're _not_ ok. Jak slipped to the floor and curled up a ball, trying just to fade away. The water cascaded down on him; tracing every scar, ever bruise, every inch of skin. He shivered as the water grew colder or maybe he was just getting colder, maybe he was freezing, maybe he'd be frozen in the end. He didn't care, he didn't care if faded away to nothing or died, he just didn't want to feel this anymore. The emotions were drowning him, had drowned him. He thought he'd been ok, thought Keira and Daxter could get him through this but they couldn't. No one could.

Seconds turned to minutes and minutes to hours. He didn't even notice when Daxter came in, didn't feel the panic in the air, he was too lost in his own emotional hell. He only noticed something when the water was turned off and strong arms lifted him up, strong safe arms. Still so lost he didn't know who had him but he felt safe, felt no need to panic. Finally warmth returned to him, soft comforting warmth and soft caring voices. The emotions that had been drowning him seemed to fade and reality came back.

Daxter and Sig were there with him, both coaxing him back to them. He felt the tears subdue, how long had he been crying for? He cleared his throat and closed his eyes, blocking, _locking_ his friends out. Hands touching, soft and gentle, words of concern and assurance. He reopened his eyes; still they looked at him, like he was fascinating. Too many watchful eyes, can't hide, can't run, can't cope. Jak rolled onto his side, pulling the blanket over his head. Just want to hide, just want to die.

"Hey buddy" Daxter lifted the blanket enough to stick his head under "we playin hide and seek?" the weak joke reminded Jak of the way things had been, the way things had been five days ago. That was all it had been, five days, five days and his life had changed. "Come out, please?" Daxter was pleading with him; it was etched into his face and voice.

Jak gave up and poked his head out "Sorry" eyes downcast, shame clouding his expression "I don't know what's wrong with me."

"Nothing's wrong with you Cherry" Sig said, placing a hand, ever so carefully on his arm.

_Everything's wrong _Jak thought tersely.

"Listen Chilly Pepper, you just take it easy while we sort this mess out."

"What mess?" he asked.

"You don't know?" he asked raising his brow.

"Know what?" he looked to Daxter who shrugged.

"It's a freakin media circus out there" he sat down on the bed, Jak shifted away but stayed calm "word got out that you were in here and everyone wants to talk you."

"I was raped what's there to talk about?" bitterness stained his tone and Sig and Daxter gasped, he said it, something he should fear but the word was tainted with venom.

"They want to know who…" he paused, choosing his words wisely "who was responsible."

"Why do they care?" venom dripped from each word. Since when did anyone care what happened to him?

"Well everyone's pointing fingers at Razer but there's no evidence if you don't speak up."

"So you want me to cry to the media and tell them how stupid I am for letting Razer…" he said it once, he could say it again "rape me so he can get locked up and everyone says 'poor Jak?'"

"No, of course not" Sig was taken aback by Jak's outburst "and you're not stupid" his tone left no room for argument "we're gonna get the circus outta here so you can rest, its all up to you if you wanna press chargers."

"Won't need to" he smirked, pure evil leaking into it "he won't be living much longer anyway."

Sig smiled, a broken smile "I'm with ya there Cherry" he stood, making Jak shiver at the tall looming figure, he pushed down his hurt and left.

"I wanna get outta here Dax" Jak sat up, ignoring any pains, he'd cried, he'd fallen into the darkness, now he wanted revenge.

"Little soon for revenge" Daxter guessed, he knew Jak too well.

"Never too soon for revenge Dax" he looked down at his friend, he still looked so broken, "Reckon we can get outta here without being noticed?"

Act normal, deep breath "we're Jak and Daxter of course we can!"

"So why do I sense a but coming?"

"But you should just let me make sure Sig's got the circus cleared away first, ok?" With that said Daxter jumped off the bed and disappeared out the door without seeing the man who loomed behind it.

Jak closed his eyes and took a deep breath; he didn't even notice that someone had just walked into his room

"Jak, I'd like to have a word with you, if I might."

Jak's eyes snapped open. There was someone in his room. Someone with a microphone. What the hell…?

"So is it true that you were brutally raped by Razer and his cohorts?" He asked, almost _too_ professionally, completely disregarding Jak's flinch at the mention of the R word.

"Ah, no comment, eh?" He said, scribbling something down on his handy-dandy notebook. "It's not like it's a big secret anyway, we all know it was him." Jak glared up at the man, trying his damnedest to hide his dread. So it was true. Everyone knew it was him… no, _them_. The obnoxious elf cleared his throat and continued, "Now, riddle me this, racer… all the female viewers would like to know… what does he look like under that big red coat? Beanpole? Brawny? Big in the pants?" He winked cheekily at the last statement. Jak's jaw hit the floor.

"Fuck. You." He growled after he'd collected his jaw and what was left of his dignity off the ground.

The reporter smirked. "No son, I do believe that's what Razer did to you, but let's not dwell on the past, shall we? Tell me about why you're here. Did the big guy have any scandalous transmittable diseases that the public should know about?"

Jak froze. He'd never considered that as a possibility. No, he'd be fine, he was fine. Fuck, what if he… what if? "Get out!" he shouted, rage boiling to the surface.

"Is that a yes?" asked the soon-to-be dead reporter.

"Get. The. Fuck. Out" Jak shouted, his throat now burning from the abuse.

"Anger. Very common in rape victims." Jak scowled; if this guy didn't leave he would either end up dead or without a tongue "Did it hurt?"

Hurt? Did it _hurt_? It felt like he was being ripped apart from the inside but he wasn't going to tell him that. He really should rip him apart though. "What do you care?"

"It's not me that cares," he said "it's the viewers! So tell us, Jakky, what happened that night? I want a real _in depth_ scoop, if ya catch my drift." Jak was ready to tear out that eye if it winked at him again. "What was it like? You may consider yourself a rape victim, but some would kill to sleep with Razer, so maybe you're just lucky, huh Jak?"

Jak had had just about enough of this shit. "Get the _fuck_ out of here before I'm forced to help you. And I'd like to point out that we're on the third floor and that window overlooks a nice statue of Mar… his crown is rather pointy, don't ya think?"

"I see you're still a bit woozy from the drugs." The reported said in a chipper tone. "I'll come back later when you're not so… aggravated. Cheers!" He flashed Jak a dashing smile before leaving the room, nothing but Jak's swirling thoughts to say that he was even there at all.

Jak collapsed to the bed, fighting off the tears. Tears of rage, of hate, of fear of what was to come. Oh God, what if he had something? Oh God! He felt his stomach churn, oh God. He ran to the bathroom, emptying his food into the bowl for what felt like the millionth time that week. He couldn't see, couldn't breathe, the overwhelming emotions were taking over again, but a soft touch brought him back.

"Jak?" He turned around slowly, facing his best friend, his eyes clouded with tears, mirroring his expression of dismay.

"Dax…"

"Are you ok there buddy?" he asked, voice barely audible.

Jak shook his head, defeated. "Not even close, Dax…"

He broke down again; heaving sobs wracking his body, as Daxter stood nearby, unsure of what to do. He glanced around the room for a sign, some sort of clue, and he saw a box of Kleenex, his only lifeline. "Here, Jak." he whispered, pushing the box towards his friend.

Jak looked up, gratitude in his eyes. "Thanks, Dax." he mumbled, blowing his nose loudly. Daxter fetched the small garbage pail, which was almost as big as he was. "I'm scared…" Jak whispered. The Ottsel had to lean in to hear the elf, he was barely audible.

"Scared of what, Jak?"

"I'm scared… I might've caught something from Razer and his thugs" he sniffled.

Daxter flinched. "I was worried about that too… can they do tests for that?"

Jak nodded "What if I have something?"

Daxter patted Jak's arm softly "I'm sure you don't big guy, we'll just do this to be safe." Jak nodded again, his eyes lifeless. He slowly stood up, Daxter took his place on Jak's shoulder and they left the room.


	7. Chapter 7

**Information came from** **..us/Publications/Crime_ **

**Chapter 7**

Tick. Tock.

Every second, _every minute_ was hell for Jak. He sat on the edge of the bed, body stiff with tension. He'd been waiting hours or was it minutes? He didn't know, it didn't matter, he just wished _prayed_ that the doctor would hurry up with his test results. He ground the palms of his hands into his eyes, trying to make the images that were burned there go away. Nothing helped though, he could rip out his eyes and he'd still see Razer and his thugs. Jak shivered at the memory, he felt Daxter pat his arm softly and smile, a forced feeble smile. But Jak returned it, despite feeling like his life was about to end.

He suddenly frowned, anger taking hold of him, he wasn't going to roll over and die! He wouldn't give Razer the satisfaction. No, he'd face whatever was to come with a positive outlook, even if it did get difficult. That's what scared him the most, the things that were to come would be hard, would be painful and he had know idea what to expect and know idea how to deal with them. His future looked morbid, but he was a hero, he was a whore, he shook his head, his emotions were driving him insane.

Finally the door swung open and Jak's emotion roller coaster came to a halt on fear "Well" he stood up from the bed, practically jumping at the doctor.

The old elf cleared his throat, he stood shorter then Jak, but he could easily dominate a room with his voice "Its positive" and clearly the people in Kras City lacked any sort of emotions.

The dry dark tone made the words hit Jak that much harder and the lack of emotion made him feel worthless, like he wasn't worth caring about. "I… it has t… to be wrong" he stuttered "I… I can't… please… it has to be wrong" hold it back, don't let it out, its going to be ok, its _not_ going to be ok "Take it again!"

"Pleas sir" voice dull, no emotion whatsoever "just calm down, it'll be ok."

"OK!" he shouted, voice cracking "How the fuck can this be ok? I've been raped and have some disease and you're saying its gonna be ok? How can you say that?" he felt Daxter jump onto his shoulder, his small paw was thrown over Jak's mouth to silence him.

"Look doc" Daxter's eyes narrowed "do the test again ok! And for God's sake send another doctor back with the diagnosis because you're about as fun as facing an angry Metalhead with a broken Peacemaker!"

The old man simply nodded then left without another word.

Jak fell back on the bed, fighting the tears away "How can this be happening?"

"Its alright buddy" Daxter assured though he had no idea if everything was going to be alright "he's wrong, old quack doesn't know what he's doing."

Jak nodded stiffly, forcing the faintest of smiles "Dax… no matter how I feel…" deep breath, it will be ok… in the end "I need to race, we have to win this or we all die."

Daxter jumped back down beside him "You do know that last time you raced you nearly got us killed."

"That was partly Dark's fault" he said defensively "but I promise not to go after Razer, you guys come first."

"Well I'm with you no matter what" Daxter said, trying to lighten the dismal mood "but what do we do about the reports?"

"Ignore them" he said bitterly "they'll get bored if we don't talk."

"So we can't shoot them?"

Jak laughed, bleakly but it was a laugh "well as much as I'd love to we really shouldn't" he sighed, suddenly feeling tired.

"Its gonna get better Jak."

**(………………)**

Keira finally arrived at the hospital; she'd had to be escorted to Jak's room by Sig, since the media were everywhere. She simply glared at them. They were nothing but scum; they deserved to get a taste of Dark. Not that she liked the demon, she hated that it lived within the man she loved but it was apart of him. She knocked on the door before walking in, poking her head in, she was greeted by both Jak and Daxter, they lay on the bed watching TV and it was so normal. They always chilled out like this and if it weren't for the anguish in Jak's eyes she would have thought everything was fine.

"Hey" she said cautiously "I brought food" she forced a smile "I know how hospital food sucks" she moved to them, sitting down at the foot of the bed.

Jak sat up and mirrored her smile "Thanks Keira" without actually realising it he reached to her, taking her slim hand into his, the warm soft skin beneath his finger tips made the hellish day seem a little better.

"So when will you be getting out of here?" she asked squeezing his hand softly while using the other hand to take the food out of the bag "The hospital is full of clowns, I see."

"And emotionless bastards" he growled "I'm leaving whether I can or not as soon as my bloods get back."

"Bloods" she felt her heart race, she'd thought of the possibility of Jak having caught something from Razer or his thugs but she'd locked the thought away.

"I'll be fine," he said, not telling her that he'd actually been given the results once and they'd been positive and thankfully Daxter kept his mouth shut.

Keira let out a weary sigh; silence fell over the trio, each to their own thoughts. She didn't know what to say, she was scared to say or do the wrong thing. Jak was fragile right now, he's emotions seemed to change every minute and she didn't know what to expect. The next second, the next minute, would either be reasonable ok or hellish and she was scared. The only thing she could think of was to finish taking the food out of the bag and handing it them.

She watched as Jak picked out his food, she felt a twinge of pain and the next she knew she was on the verge of tears. Her hero, her Jak, was so broken, all because some stupid crime lord wanted to win a race so badly that he paid his thugs to rape him. All because Razer had the guts to do such a horrible thing. The burning rage replaced the anguish and the question left her mouth before she even knew it.

"Are you going to kill Razer?"

Jak and Daxter's jaw dropped in unison, a complete bewildered expression on their faces.

"What?" Jak finally asked, after a long pause of deafening silence.

"Are you going to kill Razer?" she asked, slower this time, letting venom drip into her words.

"I…" Jak had no idea what to say, Keira never liked the idea that Jak killed people, even if they deserved it or he had no control at the time "Do you want me to kill him?"

"Yes" she said, like it was the most obvious answer "yes I do."

"Um people" Daxter pipped in "let's not have this conversation here, ok?"

Keira shook her head, her rage easing "Sorry."

Before anyone else could speak the door opened and an elderly doctor walked in, this time it was she elf, she greeted them with a soft smile while brushing a strand of navy blue hair from her eye "I'm doctor Heidi" she introduced herself, unlike the miserable bastard from before. "I've got you're blood works back, Jak" she looked down at her clipboard which had momentarily been resting against her chest "you're negative for any sexual diseases."

Jak let out a breath he hadn't realised he'd been holding "Thank you."

"No need to thank me" she smiled softly "So I'd take it you'd like to leave?"

"It'd be good."

"Alright," she placed a few papers onto the bed "sign these and you're free to go and" she placed a green leaflet onto the bed "and have a read of this, it might help you deal with what has happened" she gave him a warily smile then left, the room suddenly tense again.

Jak picked up the leaflet and stuffed it into his jacket pocket before signing the realise forms "Dax, tell Sig we're leaving."

**(………………)**

Now he's falling, the walls are coming down, the day is darkening and the nightmare is just beginning.

Can't breathe, can't understand why, can't see hope or reason, the day is ending, night is coming, _darkness is coming_. Hope is fading, he said he wouldn't give up, feels like he's dying. Shouldn't give him the satisfactions, can't go on. Images dance behind closed lids; eyes snap open, panic creeps in, why can't he just breathe? Why has he fallen?

Listen to Dark, listen carefully, he's saying be strong, he knows you can't, he says you can. He has no heart, Jak's is shattered. Light says it'll be ok, says it'll get better, just trust that. Dark aggress, there really is a first for everything. They tell him to snap out of it, that he is fine, that he is safe, they won't let him fall. _But it's too late_.

"Jak?"

Look, see, "Dax?" he's with you, you're safe.

"You ok there, buddy?"

'Am I ok?'

"Earth to Jak?"

Clearing his mind he forces himself to believe that he is ok. "Yeah, fine" he sat up, limps drawn in close "just dozing."

"Well wake up!" Daxter said, "Dinner's nearly ready."

"Not really hungry Dax."

"Well you're gonna eat it cause I went to a lotta trouble to make it" everything seems normal in this moment, Dax is joking, no anguish in his eyes, but the walls are going to come down.

The door busts open and Keira storms in, she looks livid, something so unusual in for the young she-elf. She paces the width of the room before finally stopping, anger, hurt, and sorrow written clearly in emerald eyes. She takes a deep breath and lunches into a story of twisted lies.

"You gotta be fuckin with me?" Daxter exclaimed, "some guy made up a story that Jak wasn't raped by Razer but ASKED for it and regretted it so he cried rape" he took a deep breath "now that ass wrote that Jak was whore! And who they hell wrote that?" Daxter said summoning up Keira's story in under a minute.

"Some reporter, Blake Waldorf" Keira dropped to the couch next to Jak "Jak, no one believes you, ok?"

No one believed him? That he doubted. But it was true, well half true, he hadn't asked Razer to fuck him but he had enjoyed it on some level that he didn't understand. He'd been in pain yet his body had enjoyed, he'd enjoyed it. The reporter had gone and told a story that wasn't true yet was, and it made no sense. Jak didn't want to be assaulted but his stupid body had like it at times, but know the whole town saw him for what he really was. Not a hero but a whore, a worthless whore.

"Jak" Daxter nudged him lightly, making him look at him "Don't worry about it, ok, we know the truth, that's all that counts."

"Dax is right" Keira said with a soft smile "We'll get through this Jak, you just gotta keep your head up."

"Of course" Jak said, pushing the shame, the sorrow and fear away "we can get through anything."

**(………………)**

"It's your fault." The words screamed at him from the page before him. Blinking rapidly, he looked again, his pulse quickening. "It's not your fault" Letting out a sigh, Jak shook his head. Everything was so fucked up; even his eyes were against him today. He looked up from the pamphlet he had gotten from the hospital; he scanned the room, searching for something that was not there. He felt his body relax, he was alone in the bedroom, well of course he fucking was, who else would be here? Besides Keira or Daxter? He shook his head again, God this was stupid, he was perfectly safe, so why was he scanning the room for unseen enemies.

He felt the tears sting his eyes, God he'd done enough crying today, when would it end? God, would he ever be ok again? Yes, yes he'd be ok, he would be, he just had to get through this. He would show Razer that he didn't break easily; he would not be his whore. Whore, the word made Jak shiver and the images, _the memories_, resurfaced. Down on his knees, like a dog, Razer behind him, tearing him apart with each thrust. He closed his eyes, hiding the tears that never seemed to leave. Taking a deep breath he composed himself, locking the memories away.

He slowly re-opened them, he saw Keira standing in the doorway. He jumped in surprise then relaxed, cursing himself for being so stupid, it was just Keira. He wiped away his tears angrily; she didn't deserve this, any of this. She tentatively walked to him, she sat down on the bed and he beckoned for her to come closer, something about her presences made this hell he was in seem a little better. She snuggled in next to him, he didn't tense at her touch, he wasn't afraid of her. Of course he wasn't afraid of her, she hadn't done anything to him, hadn't _hurt_ him like they had.

They sat in silence for a few moments; the feel of Keira's warmth soothed Jak's racing thoughts. Her small delicate hand found his, her slim fingers entwined with his, the familiar feeling of her hand in his made this moment seem normal. He let his head drop to her shoulder, eyes closing and memories of happy days replacing the hellish present.

"Can I look at this with you?"

Jak's eyes snapped open, he looked up through his lashes at Keira "Yeah" he lifted up the pamphlet and his happy memories turned to dust, he was not in Sandover anymore, this was not a normal day. He was dealing with being raped, being made a whore. He fought away the tears, God why did the mere thought of what happened have him in tears. He felt Keira hold him close, the tears didn't fall but they still burned his eyes.

"This isn't your fault Jak," she said in an audible whisper "don't ever blame yourself."

Jak let out a sob, please, stop, he didn't want to cry. God, why did she keep saying that, it was his fault, ok it wasn't his fault but… but he enjoyed it, he might as well have asked for it. Fuck. She was pouring her heart out, telling him it wasn't his fault, _when it was_, he was a whore, he was Razer's whore and she had a right to know.

He took a deep breath and looked at her. His heart thudding from the nerves from what he was about to tell her. "I have to tell you something."

"Sure Jak" she said, her voice almost easing his nerves.

"Its about Razer" he trailed off, words becoming lodged in his throat.

"Jak, what is it" she shifted so she could face him "you can tell me anything?"

Jak sat up straight, eyes downcast "I… I sorta enjoyed it."

"Jak" she gingerly reached out to him, cupping his chin in the crock of her fingers and titling his head so he would look at her. She didn't know what to say, hell what could she say, 'its ok Jak, you couldn't help it,' yeah because that would work. She had no words to offer, no words to make this better, she pulled him into her arms, hoping, _praying_, that the gesture would say what she could not. She felt Jak tense but it faded, she was now encircled with his strong arms, but today she was protecting him. He sobbed quietly on her shoulder and she simply held him, words could not fix this but the comfort she gave him allowed him see that he was not loathed.

"You must think I'm disgusting," he whispered, pulling away from her finally.

"Jak, sweetie, I don't think that at all" she said firmly despite her breaking heart.

Jak looked her in the eyes; he could tell she was telling the truth. "Than what _do_ you think of me?"

"I think you're the same Jak I know and love. You're just… different now. Broken. And I want to help fix you."

"Can I be fixed?" Jak asked looking her levelly in the eyes

"Yes, Jak. We just need time."

Jak sniffled and wiped away the rest of the tears "I'm sorry, I didn't want you to be dragged into this hell with me."

"Jak" Keira took his hand into her own "I would do anything for you, and I will stand by you no matter what happens, so don't apologies, I want to help you through this."

"Thank you," he said, barely above a whisper, resting his forehead lightly against hers, sighing deeply. He wanted so badly to close the gap, to kiss her until the pain went away, but he didn't want to push her, to make her pull away. He opened his eyes slowly, looked her in the eyes, but something was wrong. Her face was suddenly too pale, too angular, her eyebrows a strange colour. Then he realized. He was no longer staring into Keira's beautiful eyes. He was staring into Razer's.

"Jak, what's wrong?" Keira could see the terror in his eyes, the fear as he backed away, shaking his head fiercely, grinding the heels of his hands into his eyes.

"You… he… it was him, Keira. I told you, I told you I'd liked it, I wanted to kiss you and I saw _him_." A new kind of fear flashed in Jak's eyes as he realised what he'd blurted out.

"Jak, I- you wanted to kiss me?" She blushed slightly, Jak wanted to kiss her, after all these years and failed attempts he chose now to want to kiss her. Jak collapsing to the floor in a sobbing mess had her forgetting all about what he just said, she knelt down beside him trying, _trying_ so hard to find the right words. She noticed that he was starting to hyperventilate, her heart skipped a beat, her Jak, the man she loved was so broken "Just breathe" she said, voice cracking slightly, her own tears now threatening to spill "Breathe baby, it's ok." God, it wasn't ok, nothing was fucking ok, but what else was there to say.

"JAK!" He stopped dead. The pain, the fear in Keira's voice brought him back, made him breathe easy. "Jak? Baby, you ok?" It was now or never. He leaned up, kissing her gently, everything in the world going away for the split second. She kissed back, her mouth muddling to his just right. They kiss didn't last long but in that small moment the world slipped away and the pain and the fear vanished.

Jak kept his eyes closed after the kiss ended, savouring the serene peace it held, he slowly opened his eyes, afraid to see Razer again but he only saw Keira. He pulled her close to him, wanting, _needing_, to feel her near him. He held onto her, too afraid to let go, too tired to let go. She hugged him back, fitting just right in his arms. He slowly let her go, moving back so he was now eye to eye with her. She smiled at him, tears flowed down her delicate face and Jak gently wiped them away. He kissed her again, soft and tender before pulling back and helping them to their feet.

"You should get some sleep," she said brushing his flattened down hair of his face "You look tired."

"Will you stay with me?"

"Of course my love."

Jak led Keira back to the bed; she slipped her shoes off and climbed in beside him, snuggling close. She wrapped her thin arms around his thick one, laying her head on his shoulder. He smiled down at her, tears finally gone from his eyes. Drawing in a deep breath he picked up the pamphlet from the bedside table.

"Will you read it to me?" Keira asked, closing her eyes and squeezing his arm reassuringly.

Jak cleared his throat and began reading, hating how his voice wavered. "No one asks to be sexually assaulted. Nor does anyone's behavior justify or excuse the crime."

It got easier to read as he went along, the truth of what it said sunk in and he felt somewhat better, at ease with the situation, with what had happened to him. "If you have been raped, don't isolate yourself, don't feel guilty, and don't try to ignore it," he sighed. He'd done just that, pushed away the ones he needed the most, felt guilty as hell, tried to pretend it hadn't happened. But he'd turned around. The young she-elf clinging to his arm was proof that he'd acted the right way, that he'd stopped pushing away the ones who were trying to help.

"What to do when someone you care about has been sexually assaulted…" He started. Keira sat up straighter at this, listening intently. Jak shifted uncomfortably and continued, less confident this time. "When supporting a survivor of sexual violence, don't be judgmental. Try to communicate the following ideas to the victim, which will greatly assist healing, 'It's not your fault.' 'I'm sorry it happened'." Jak trailed off, trying to deal with the overload of emotions.

Keira looked up at him, concerned. "It's true, Jak. It wasn't your fault, you need to see that."

Jak nodded slowly, closing his eyes. Keira yawned, stretching hugely before curling up next to Jak once more, their limbs fitting together perfectly. Jak smiled and drifted off, his descent into sleep the easiest it'd been in a long, long time. Keira sat for a while, listening to his steady breaths, amazed at how far he'd come in just one night. The pieces were finally fitting together. Smiling sweetly, she leaned up and kissed him softly on the cheek, laughing silently as he twitched in his sleep, moving towards her lips. She brushed her lips over his before switching off the light and settling in bedside him. With positive thoughts and Jak's steady heartbeat, Keira succumbed to sleep.

**(………………)**

Morning came fast, the light flooding the room, chasing away the shadows but not the darkness. Jak snuggled close to Keira, her warmth and presence easing his troubled mind. He slowly opened his eyes, taking in the room, searching for the enemies that were not there. He slowly got up, untangling himself from Keira and the covers. He cautiously crept out of the room, stepping into the lounge room, once more checking for unseen danger. Satisfied that he was safe he headed to the kitchen, feeling slightly better thanks to Keira. He had made it half way to the kitchen when a knock came at the door.

He jumped in surprise and had to resist the urge to run and hide. He was a hero for God's sake; he could answer the fucking door. He tentatively reached for the handle, heart racing and feeling rather stupid. Finally he grasped it weakly and twisted the handle and pulled the door open, he was greeted with the kind face of Doctor Heidi.

"Doc" he said, voice cracking "what can I do for you" he cleared his throat and tried to tell his body to relax.

"I wanted to see how you were" she smiled kindly "may I come in?"

"Uh… sure" he stepped aside and let her in and she stopped a few feet from Jak.

"So, how are you?"

"Better, thanks" he smiled feebly "the pamphlet really helped" he looked towards the door, a faraway smile replaced the feeble one "so did Keira" he looked back to the doctor.

"Well that's good Jak" she said stepping towards him, his body tensed. "I won't hurt you."

Jak looked down, embarrassed "Yeah, I know, sorry."

"Don't be," she said reassuringly as she placed a hand ever so gently on his shoulder "it takes time to get over these things."

"Yeah I know" he said deeply "Can I get you anything?"

"No" a smile, no, a smirk appeared on her pretty face "I got what I came for."

In the minute of confusion the doctor had stabbed a needle into Jak's neck and he was now falling to the floor, the doctor half holding him. Jak couldn't move, couldn't breath. Fear had laced itself around him, his heart was racing and tears were clouding his vision. He heard her whisper something to him, something like 'this is for the best' he didn't know, _he didn't care_. He just wanted, _needed_, to scream for help but he couldn't make his mouth move, couldn't find words. Things got worse then, a shadow loomed over him and the smell of red wine and cigarette smoke filled the air.

Panic took hold of Jak as his vision wavered and he was lifted from the ground and 'that' sent became stronger. He wanted to scream to Keira, to Daxter but words would not come. Where were they? Why didn't they know this was happening? _Please._ He just wanted to be saved. He tried to make his body move but it was no use, he couldn't move, he couldn't scream.

He couldn't be saved.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

Fear crept in as consciousness returned. Jak's body tensed, he tried to figure out where he was without opening his eyes and alerting the person who held him captive. He could smell something, smoke, cigarette smoke. Panic takes over, his breathing hitched and his foggy mind unfolds some more. He remembered being at the motel, the not-so-kind doctor came and she drugged him… now Razer had him… RAZER HAD HIM. His eyes snapped open and he sat up in a hurry, eyes scanning the dark room. His heightened sight allowed him to see Razer perfectly; he stood in the corner, smoke billowing from his mouth.

"Well I see you're awake" Razer stepped out of the shadows into the moonlight the poured through the windows "The fun can began" he smiled cruelly, looking twice as frightening in the moonlight.

Jak forced down his fear, trying, trying to be brave "Great… just what I wanted."

Razer chortled as he closed the distance between them, sitting down on the bed next to Jak, making him shift towards the edge. "You look lovely in the moonlight Jak," he said, softly, like he actually cared for the young elf. He ran his toxic yellow-gloved hand through Jak's hair, making him shiver with fear. "I believe we have something we must finish."

Jak narrowed his eyes at Razer and ground his teeth together, he hoped he look fiercer then he felt. Clearly he didn't because Razer laughed, bitter and menacing. Jak's anger died and was replaced with shame and terror; Razer had stopped laughing and was looking at him like he was something to eat. Before he knew what was happening Razer threw himself at Jak, pinning him beneath his lanky frame and forcing his lips to the younger elf's in a fierce kiss.

Jak's mind froze as Razer started to kiss him, hands wandering to the place he didn't want them to go. He came back to his senses and started to struggle, hoping, praying, that he could just break free. But his struggles were effortless, he was exhausted, mentally and physically, and Razer won. Jak sunk deep into his mind, trying to forget what was happening, just wanting to fade away to nothing.

"Open your legs."

Jak's eyes snapped open, his happy place disappearing. He looked down to see that his pants had been removed. No, no, no, this wasn't happening, not again, it was a nightmare.

"Jak… I'm asking nicely. Open. Your. Legs." Razer said calmly, resting his hands on the younger elf's knees. Jak complied, hesitantly, wondering what the hell he'd done in his life to deserve this.

"Didn't I tell you, leibchen, that we'd continue our little bathroom rendezvous at a later date?" Razer whispered, his lips ghosting up the inside of Jak's thigh, making him squirm. Rough hands pushed at his knees, holding him down, as Razer glared up at him, his mouth set in a thin line. "Be still, love. Struggling won't get you anywhere."

Jak squeezed his eyes shut, feeling himself grow as Razer's breath caressed his member. It was happening again, the betrayal; he really was a whore, no matter what he told himself.

He was no hero, this was all he was good for, whoring himself out to more powerful people, being used for their gain, regardless of his feelings. Speaking of feelings, one of defeat came over him as he bucked into the wet heat of Razer's mouth, practically fucking it, making the pale elf moan around his cock, sending shivers down his spine.

Jak came quickly, being new to this, and Razer drank it down, teasing the last few drops out with his sinful tongue. Jak lay back, panting, his body limp. Razer took no time shedding his clothes as his captive was distracted, setting them neatly in a pile on the floor before kneeling between Jak's splayed legs, watching the rise and fall of his chest. Smiling inwardly he draped his body over Jak's, pinning his arms quickly.

He felt Razer's hips grinding on his, their bodies melting together, their mouths fitting like pieces of some naked, twisted puzzle, making them one. Jak tasted something different in Razer today, the usual tang of cigarettes and red wine masked by something salty, bitter, and the sudden realization hit him like a tidal wave: the taste was him. Jak gagged at the thought, he felt the bile rising, but he swallowed it down.

Jak met his steely gaze with one of his own, the light in his eyes fading with every ragged breath he took, clouding them over with a shade of black. He could feel dark rising inside of him, overpowering his thoughts, could feel his teeth growing longer, sharper, beneath his lips. Jak tried to restrain him, but dark took hold, pitched him forward, his sharp fangs slipping deliciously into Razer's pale cheek, ripping away the flesh.

Razer cried out like a wild animal, the cry was not just of pain. Jak spat out the chunk of flesh, Dark once again hiding within, he braced himself, he knew pain was to come but it didn't.

He opened his eyes; he had shut them out of habit as soon he saw the rage in Razer's green orbs.

Jak re-closed his eyes, waiting to escape the heated gaze and block out the world. He thought back to better times, but this time his memories seemed damaged. Like they were not his. He opened his eyes, the broken images seemed wrong, it wasn't right but neither was what he saw now. Razer had him tied to the bed, facedown, and he struggled against his binds but he was too weak, too pathetic, to break free.

The cool air bit into his skin, his scars, as he realized he was completely naked, exposed, nothing left to hide behind, to cover his insecurities.

He shivered as Razer ran his tongue down a particularly long scar, the line ending at the small of his back. Jak wished he could melt into the mattress, disappear forever, but it was useless. He buried his head into the pillow as Razer's tongue teased his hole, dipping in and out, his hands planted firmly on Jak's legs, stopping his flailing limbs.

Quickly abandoning the endeavour Razer moved up, positioning himself above the young elf. Leaning close, he nipped at Jak's ear harshly and whispered, "This will all be over soon." With that he entered him roughly, and the scream that escaped Jak made Razer jump in surprise.

A wave of tears followed, Jak's body shook violently from the abusive, but the screams, the tears made Razer enjoy it some much more. Jak cried, he screamed as each thrust went faster, harder and deeper into him. He felt the blood seeping into the sheet beneath him, could feel each wound reopening, both mental and physical.

He gripped the sheets with both hands, and tried, tried so hard to stop the screams, the tears, but he was too far-gone now. They wouldn't stop, the pain wouldn't stop, this nightmare wouldn't stop. Razer moaned loudly as he came, his orgasm shaking both their bodies, Jak crying harder at the strange feeling. He screamed once more, hoarsely, as the other man pulled out and he struggled against his bonds for what felt like the millionth time, rubbing his wrists raw.

"Thanks for the ride." Razer whispered in his ear, licking it lightly.

Jak shivered, his body suddenly ice cold. "Chilly, leibchen? Here, let me warm you up." Jak shivered more violently at the innuendo of the statement, but he froze as Razer untied his hands and turned him on his side, lying behind him. "Now that wasn't so bad, was it?" Jak hardly heard Razer's jibes anymore, he withdraw as his captor spooned with him, wrapping his slender arms around Jak's chest, pulling him close, almost lovingly. "You got what you deserved, Jak," he whispered. You got what you deserved Jak, he did, he deserved this.

He killed people, he had left people to die, he was no hero, just an eco freak and now someone's toy. He didn't deserve to live, to breathe, didn't deserve to have the friends he did; he'd just end up letting them down, like he always did.

(………………)

Daxter stared at the window, the sun was just starting to rise, he hadn't slept at all. He was consumed with worry, with guilt. God this was his fault, he should have been awake or something, he shouldn't have let Jak get taken. It wasn't fair, it wasn't fucking fair, he'd already been through so much, he didn't need this. It wasn't right, what did he ever do to deserve this? Daxter had no idea and he was too exhausted with worry to think about it. He slid off the couch and walked to the kitchen, where everyone was discussing what to do.

They had to find Jak, it was obvious but where the hell did they even look. The first step of course had been to find out who took Jak, it was obvious though, it was Razer, but Jak let the attacker in. He wouldn't have let Razer in, so who the hell had been here. Daxter had searched for a clue, but found nothing, until Keira suggested the look at the security cameras and what they found was a shock.

Doctor Heidi, the sweet kind doctor from yesterday, had come in and headed this way. She had helped Razer and Daxter was fuming, but of course just because they knew who took him didn't mean they could find him. Until an idea popped into Daxter's head, he stepped into the centre of the group, who were arguing and whistled.

"What Daxter?" Samos grumbled.

"I have an idea" he said loudly "we find Doctor Heidi and force her to tell us where Jak is."

"We've thought of that" Ashelin replied "but my bet is she's gone into hiding, if she had any intelligence she would have known the cameras caught her."

"What if she didn't bet on us seeing the cameras though" Daxter said, "I say we find the doc and see what she knows."

"It could be a waste of time," Ashelin snapped.

"So's standing here" Daxter said throwing his tiny arms into the air "so we got two choices, stand here and argue or try and find the doc and actually do something useful!"

"Dax is right" Keira pipped in "we'll go to the hospital and see what we can find, maybe you guys should try and find the rest of Razer's goons."

Ashelin and Torn nodded then departed from the room, leaving Keira, Daxter, Sig and Samos behind. Keira turned to Sig, he looked anxious, well they all were but they had to keep it together and find Jak. "Sig, will you come with us?"

"Of course" he nodded "I'll do anything I can to find Jak."

Keira smiled and nodded before turning to her father "Daddy, stay here and see if you can find anything at all that can help us get Jak, ok."

"Be careful Keira."

"I will be" she kissed him on the cheek then they too left.

(………………)

Jak wanted to die. There wasn't a doubt in his mind; he just wanted it to end. The torture from Razer. The pitying looks from his friends. The laughs, the jeers, the insults from all of Kras City. But Keira… God he'd forgotten her. How the hell could he be so selfish to want to die, when he knew she was probably out looking for him right now, out of her mind with worry? How could he want to leave his friends, who were trying so damn hard to fix this, just because he couldn't deal with it? He'd have to deal with this, he'd fight for her, fight to see her smile, her laugh and feel her lips against his. He would not roll over and die, even though he truly felt like dying.

He felt the bed dip, unwanted hands touching him; unwelcome kisses against his bruised and scarred skin. He didn't block out the touches, he embraced them, letting them fill him with rage. Razer's lips were against his, cold but soft, Jak kissed back and Razer moaned. He felt Razer's hand run up his inner thigh, he tensed only to regret. Razer's finger invaded him, making him break away from the kiss and cry out. Razer chuckled, God he was sick, he enjoyed hurting Jak.

But he enjoyed something else more.

He enjoyed the thought of Jak liking it, so without hesitation, Jak started to fuck himself on Razer's fingers. If he had thought about what he was about to do he'd change his mind. It hurt like hell and Jak did all he could not to cry out in pain, luckily Razer's eyes had shut so he couldn't see the pain expression on his face. Jak grabbed Razer's hair and forced his lips to his, kissing him fiercely, while groping his body with his now free hands. He had no real idea of what he was doing, he'd never pleasured someone before and Razer was the last person he wanted to pleasure but he had to do this.

He ran his hands over his firm chest, hands going lower and lower until he felt Razer's belt. He kept his knife there somewhere. Razer gripped his hand, Jak tried not to let his body freeze as the older elf placed his hand over his hard member. Jak still having know idea what to do gently stroked it, while the other hand clasped the knife. He unzipped Razer's pants and slipped his hand in, ignoring the voice that said this was so wrong and it was, he truly felt like a whore.

He closed his eyes and with one swift motion he pulled the knife up, dragging it along Razer's stomach. He cried out, whipping away from Jak, who pulled himself up in a hurry. Jak flung himself forwards, his actions a blur, his mind a mess. He pinned Razer beneath his naked body, the blade against the pale skin of his neck. Razer stared up at him, fear in his eyes.

"Not so tough now, are ya?" Jak hissed, pressing the blade harder against his skin and coursing blood to trickle down.

"You don't have the guts to kill me," he wheezed.

"Wanna bet" he asked darkly "say your prayers Razer." His eyes widened as Jak dug the blade in, blood shooting out as he sliced him ear to ear. Jak dropped the bloody knife to the ground and stared down at the dead elf, his eyes frozen in tear. Jak got off him, his body shook from rage; he scanned the room and found his clothes. Ignoring all pain he redressed himself, still shaking; only now it was not from rage.

(………………)

Keira, Daxter and Sig returned to the motel, with no answers. Doctor Heidi was nowhere to be seen and from the looks of it, Ashelin and Torn had found nothing either. They all sat in silence, like at any moment an answer would pop into their head or Jak would walk in the door. Neither was going to happen. Jak was taken and God knows what Razer was doing to him. Keira felt ill at the thought, what was he doing to her poor Jak?

She could only imagine and that thought had her boiling with rage. She stopped pacing and headed to the door, determined to find Jak. She knew she was being watched, she knew they'd want to know where she was going but wasn't it obvious. She pulled the door open; she didn't even see the figure that stood across the threshold. She nearly walked into him, jumping back in surprise and shock. She shrieked in delight and panic.

It was Jak, he was here, he was safe, but he looked dreadful. She threw herself into his arms, he didn't hug back, he slipped from her arms and collapsed to the floor, nearly taking Keira with him. The commotion had bought the rest of the gang to the door; they were all staring at Jak with bewilderment. He started to shake as the many faces appeared around him, throwing himself into Keira's arms.

She shielded him from the eyes of the others as he mumbled incoherent words into her hair. She whispered soft words to him as she caressed his back and hair, she glared up at everyone and they backed off. Keira pulled away slowly, Jak whimpered, Keira's heart fell to the pit of her stomach and she just wanted to let him hold her but she had to get some sense out of him.

She stared into his eyes and he looked like a lost child, frightened, broken, shattered. She wiped away his tears and offered more soothing words, by now they made no sense but he seemed to calm down. She smiled half-heartily at him, trying to make the moment less difficult for Jak. She felt a light paw on her arm and she turned to face Daxter.

"Keira… he's bleeding."

Keira looked away from Daxter and back to Jak, only now did she see the blood that stained his jeans "We need to take him to the hospital" Keira whispered, pulling Jak close to her and allowing him to sob on her shoulder "he's hurt."

"Keira, we can't risk it" Ashelin said "not since doctor Heidi is the one who took him, any number of doctors could do the same, he needs to be here, where he's safe."

"He's bleeding" she snapped "and we have no eco left, he needs a doctor!"

"We can fly him back to Haven" Daxter said, he had climbed onto Jak's shoulder and was now caressing his messy hair.

"It'd take too long" Sig said, crouching down before them, Jak shifted away, trying to disappear into Keira.

"So what do we do?" Daxter asked soberly "let him bleed everywhere?"

"No!" Ashelin snapped "but we can't just take him to the hospital."

"Does anyone know what to do?" Keira asked, forcing down the panic "j… just tell me what I need to do and I'll do it."

Ashelin knelt down and placed a soft hand on Keira's shoulder "can you really do this? It's going to hurt him, can you cause him pain?"

Keira pressed her face against Jak's hair; he had settled down but still clung dearly to her "If it makes him better… then yes… I can."

"Ok hun" Ashelin smiled feebly "I will ring a doctor from Haven and get him to walk you though it, ok."

Keira nodded, words lost, the overload of emotion of what she had to do had her clinging to Jak tighter. "It's going to be ok baby" she whispered softly to him "It's going to be ok."

(………………)

Keira led Jak to the bedroom, he staggered along beside her, looking exhausted and broken. She lay him down on the bed before sitting next to him; he stared up at, forcing a small smile. She mirrored it as she brushed his hair out his face, she took a deep breath, troubled by what she had to do. She had to tell Jak first, he'd been lost in his misery before, but now he knew what was happening around him. Keira took his hands into her much smaller ones; he seemed to relax under her soft gaze.

She began to explain what she had to do, he seemed frightened by the idea and slightly humiliated that she would be the one doing it. With hesitation he agreed to let her, he trusted her more then anyone else. Slowly he shed his pants and pulled the covers over him, he watched Keira carefully as she got ready, a troubled look in her emerald orbs.

"I just need Ashelin to get the doctor on the phone" she said sitting back down and taking Jak's hands. "I'm going to make you all better Jak" she lent in and kissed his forehead softly, he wrapped his arms around her thin waist and pulled her closer. Needing to know he was safe and that she was here with him.

A knock came at the door and the embrace ended; Keira gave Jak one last peck on the check before going to answer the door. Daxter walked in, and passed the small device that was a cell phone to Keira. Keira walked out of the room, giving Daxter and Jak some privacy.

"Hey buddy" Dax said jumping onto the bed "you hanging in there ok?"

Jak nodded with a small smile "Yeah, I'm hanging in Dax" he yawned hugely.

"You'll need to get some sleep as soon as this is over" Daxter said sitting down beside Jak and allowing his best friend to pat him. Daxter looked away then nervously looked back, "can… can I stay with you?"

"Of course" he said weakly, fatigue creeping in.

They fell into a lapse of silence but it was ended abruptly as Keira walked back in. She put the phone on loudspeaker and took a deep breath, her eyes locking with Jak. He too took a deep breath, he knew it was time.

"You ready?" Keira asked.

Jak nodded, not trusting his voice right now.

"Ok" Keira said, positioning herself at the end of the bed "Just relax Jak, it'll be over soon."

(………………)

Jak stared at the high-rise ceiling, trying, trying to just make the deafening silence cease. He looked over at Daxter, curled up beside him asleep and smiled faintly. At least one of them was at peace. He reached out and stroked the orange furball gently, Daxter's eyes fluttered open, his blue orbs were unfocused but slowly the cobwebs cleared.

"Hey," he whispered sleepily, stretching his tiny limbs. "You ok?" the Ottsel asked immediately, noticing the distant look on Jak's face.

Jak sighed heavily, "I'm… ok"

Daxter moved closer to his broken friend, taking a seat on his toned chest. "Don't lie to me" he scowled at Jak "If you feel like absolute shit then say so."

Jak looked away, staring at the bedside table, the window, the curtains, anything but Daxter "I don't want to talk about this." His eyes stung and he blinked them, cursing in his head. "Where's Keira?"

Dax shook his head. "Not here. And don't change the subject Jak; you can't just act like nothing happened!"

"Can't I?"

"No! You can't" Daxter said, waving his arms around in hopes of getting Jak to look at him, but no avail. "Damnit Jak, look at me."

Jak finally looked down at his fuzzy friend, his expression cold. "Why can't I forget, Dax? What the HELL reason could I have for wanting to remember?!?"

"It's not that you want to remember it Jak" Daxter said, struggling with his words "you just have to and I know it's not fair but forgetting about it will only make it worse." Daxter wasn't sure if forgetting about it would make it worse but he knew that Jak couldn't forget. He had to remember.

"I want to talk about something else," Jak snapped suddenly, turning his cold eyes away from Daxter.

Daxter sighed and crossed his small arms over his chest "Like what?"

Jak shrugged "The weather."

"Jak!" Daxter shot to his feet "You've been raped! You can't just talk about the weather."

"Looks like it's going to rain." The elf said, staring out the window and ignoring his friend's outburst.

"Yeah, yeah it's going to rain Yakkows and Muses" Daxter said tersely "and if it does it won't change the fact that you've been raped."

Jak flinched at the word, the memories flashing in his minds eye, showing him, reminding him of what he had been through. "Would you stop saying that?" Jak mumbled, fighting with the blanket on his lap. "It's not like you're making this any easier."

Daxter sighed, his anger slipping away "I'm sorry" he sat back down, his ears drooped and his eyes filled with tears "I just… don't want… I just don't want to lose you."

"Lose me?" Jak repeated, confusion clouding his features.

Daxter looked back at him "Like when you got outta prison, you wouldn't remember anything, you were just… consumed with revenge and I nearly lost you to that. I don't want to lose you to some weird fantasy again, where you think everything's ok when really it's not." Daxter shook his head. "Everything's not ok, Jak, everything's fucked up, and we gotta fix it."

Jak slowly sat up, the simple movement making him wince in pain, "I'm scared of facing it, Dax."

"It's ok to be scared buddy" Daxter said patting his shoulder "but that's why Keira and I are here to help you and to try and make this mess more bearable."

"Can't you just help me by letting me forget?" Jak groaned, scrubbing his hand over his face. "I can't… I can't think about it now, Dax, ok? I just… can't."

Daxter shook his head, for what felt like millionth time this morning "fine, what do you want to talk about."

Jak shrugged "Let's go out."

"OUT!!!" Daxter exclaimed "Uh… Keira said you couldn't do a lot of walking… you might… uh… tear your stitches."

Jak shrugged again, trying to push away the painful memory "It'll be fine."

"Fine" Dax said eyes downcast "We'll go out."

(………………)

"Well, here we are Jak. Out." Dax said half-heartedly. Jak sent Daxter a glare before walking towards the Bloody Hook, he really needed a drink. A drink? More like a few drinks, just enough to dull his emotional and physical pain.

They entered the stuffy bar and Jak lowered himself carefully onto a barstool, wincing slightly. Dax looked over at him, concerned, but said nothing. "Gimme something strong." Jak muttered to the barkeeper, scanning the room around him.

People stopped playing pool to stare, dumbstruck, at the elf. And then the whispers started. He tried, tried to ignore the voices, the whispers, the lies. All eyes were on him. But they was no concern, no sign of worry, they just wanted to know what had really happened. They had two sides of one story. He asked to have sex with Razer. Razer raped him. Razer and his thugs raped him! He hadn't asked, he hadn't wanted it, God he hadn't but they all though he did. They all saw him as the whore he was.

"Jak, Jak, Jak. Fancy meeting you here."

Jak froze, his drink inches from his mouth, he looked over his shoulder, he looked right at the rude reporter who had written the story about him asking Razer for sex. Jak quickly looked away, chugging his drink in hopes of it numbing his pain. He felt an unwelcome hand on his shoulder; he turned to glare at he reporter known as Blake Waldorf. "Get your hand off me before I remove it for you."

"Temper, temper" he said taking a seat next to the broken elf "so do I get an in-depth story today?"

"Who the fuck are you?" Daxter asked, jumping to his feet and placing his small body before Jak's.

"Blake Waldorf" he said, not looking at the orange Ottsel "so how ya feelin Jak? Ready to tell me the truth about what happened or should I spin more tales?"

"Is that it?" Jak asked, his green eyebrows knitting together to form a scowl "if I don't tell you the truth about what happened you're just gonna make up more lies?"

"Lies, truth, who knows the difference anymore? I write what I know, Jak, and I'll know more once you tell me."

Dax stood up tall (well, short) and stabbed an accusing finger at the reporter "Listen here buddy you better leave us alone or-"

"-Or what?" he interrupted, eyes on Jak "you'll sic your little rodent on me, Jak? Tsk, tsk, I thought you were better than that."

Jak looked away, "Just leave us alone."

"Aw" he placed a hand on Jak's back, making him shudder "C'mon Jakky, you can unburden yourself, just tell me everything and you'll feel so much better." He leant in closer, making Jak panic "It must have been so horrible, surely you want to talk to someone, to just let it all out and I" he placed a hand on his chest "am here for you."

Jak looked at Black through fierce eyes "Get the fuck away from me before I do something I might just regret later."

Black chuckled "You won't hurt me."

"Don't bet on it." Daxter said crossing his arms. "So I suggest you back the fuck off before something bad happens to that pretty face of yours."

"Alright, alright." Blake said, holding his hands in front of him and backing away in defeat. "But don't say I never gave you a chance, racer." he said sweetly, as pulled a smoke out from behind his long ear. He lit it skillfully and took a long drag, exhaling straight into Jak's face. "See you after the story's published, Mar."

Jak snapped. Blake, the crowded bar, the smell of cigarette smoke, everything pushed him over the edge. His breath caught in his throat and he tried to breathe, to speak, to do anything, but he was paralyzed. Blake had just turned to walk away when a rather large, angry fist hit him square in the jaw.

"All right there, cherry?" A kind voice asked, contrary to the anger its owner had just displayed. Noticing Jak's frozen state, he tsk'd and picked the elf up like he was a rag doll, pushing past patrons as he carried Jak out of the bar, Daxter hopping along beside him. "What happened in there, Dax?" Sig worried, waving a hand in Jak's face. There was no response, just a blank stare.

"I don't know Sig, but he needs to SNAP OUT OF IT!" The last four words were screamed in Jak's face, accompanied by flailing of tiny orange limbs. Still no response.

"Hey cherry" Sig said, voice soft and gentle "Can you hear me?"

Jak's eyes slid into focus as Sig stared into them, his one green eye clouded with concern. Nodding slowly, Jak leaned forward into the other elf, burying his face in his chest

"C'mon Dax, let's get him out of here."


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

"This is BULLSHIT!" Dax yelled, throwing the newspaper he'd been reading to the floor.

Keira nodded and buried her head in her hands. "I know, Dax. I know."

"What's bullshit?" Jak asked as walked out of the bathroom, a billow of steam following him.

Keira looked up at Jak, his eyes were rimmed red from crying and he wore many layers of clothes and had his arms were wrapped tightly around himself. She hated seeing him like this. It was heart breaking, no, heart breaking didn't cover it. He looked so lost, so afraid but like always, Jak tried to hide his pain, his tears, his suffering. Keira beckoned for him to come sit down, he obeyed, moving slow and uneasy. He sat down, wincing slightly. Keira looked into his dark stormy blue eyes. Searching, hoping, praying, begging, to just see a hint of the bright blue, but his eyes were as dark as the ocean after a storm.

"What's going on?" Jak asked, looking from Keira to Daxter.

Keira bit her lip nervously before tentatively reaching for the paper that Daxter had just thrown to the ground. She picked it up and handed it to Jak before she changed her mind. She watched as Jak's eyes grew wide in momentary shock before he simply lowered the paper and dropped it onto the coffee table.

"Whatever." Jak said, shrugging slightly before getting up and retreating into his room once more.

Daxter looked from the closed door to Keira. "'Whatever'? He can't seriously be ok with this!"

Keira shook her head, her aqua bangs falling into her eyes "I don't know" she looked up, running her slim fingers through her very messy hair. "He looked… ok." Keira didn't believe a word of it though; Jak was most definitely not ok.

"OK?!" Daxter shouted, jumping about four feet in the air "Keira he's been raped. He isn't ok!"

"Keep it down, would you" Keira whispered angrily "he'll hear you, and stop saying the R world, it probably scares him."

"Everything seems to scare him or it doesn't" Daxter flopped down "He was fine yesterday when we went out."

"You went out?" Keira had to keep herself from yelling at the Ottsel "what the fuck Daxter? He shouldn't be going out right now. He needs to rest, oh, and not to mention he really isn't well enough mentally to be facing the outside world!"

Daxter shrunk back at Keira's outburst, never in his life had he heard Keira swear, not once. "Ok, ok" he said, hands up in defenses "I tried to stop him but he wouldn't listen and he wanted to get out and not talk about what happened."

Keira sighed heavily "So he's in denial?"

"I don't think he's in denial, I just think he doesn't want to talk about it."

"Same thing Dax" Keira said rising to her feet "oh Mar what are we going to do?"

"Give him lots of hugs?" Daxter said with a shrug.

Keira glowered at the orange Ottsel, yet for once his stupid remark might just work. "C'mon then."

"C'mon where?" he asked puzzled.

"For once you said something that is helpful," Keira said crossing her arms over chest.

"Hugging Jak is helpful how?"

"He needs to feel loved and safe, and a simple hug can do that" she said with a soft smile "see you're not as stupid as you look."

"Ha fucking ha, I am a genious not a dumbass."

Keira rolled her eyes and turned away from the Ottsel and headed to the bedroom. She heard his light footsteps behind her; she was surprised she didn't think of this before. Jak just needed to feel like he belonged, like he was loved and cared for. Keira had no idea how he felt but it wasn't hard to guess he felt isolated. She pushed open the door and crossed the threshold and entered the dark room.

The curtains were closed, making the room feel small and eerie. She looked away from the curtains to Jak; he lay on his back, his sad eyes staring at her questioningly. She made her way to him, Daxter following close behind. She crawled onto the bed gingerly, making sure not to frighten him. He gave her one of his many small smiles and she mirrored it as she lay next to him. Not too close, not too far.

He scooted closer to her, hiding his face in her hair while wrapping his arms around her slim body. Daxter scurried up onto the bed, lying down on Jak's chest. Jak looked up through half closed lids at his best friend and forced another smile before patting him softly. Keira hugged Jak close to her, allowing him to press his body as close to her as physically possible.

Keira caressed Jak's neck and shoulders as she buried her head in his chest, breathing in the scent of the soap that he had lathered himself with too many times. She took note that he was at least wearing four layers of shirts; she felt her heart ache as realization hit her. She'd known it before, but not until now did she realise how truly broken he really was. Keira held him closer; she closed her eyes, trying to keep the tears from falling. She couldn't help but think of losing Jak, losing him to the pain of it all.

She felt as though he was slipping away, she'd felt like he was slipping away ever since he escaped prison. But he'd finally gotten better, he'd been so close, so Goddamn close to being himself again, well as close to his old self as he could be. Then this, this had to happen and Jak was once again sinking into a dark and dangerous depression. And it was all because of the stupid Kras City championship race, if Krew hadn't poisoned them they'd be ok, this wouldn't have happened. If Razer hadn't been such a cruel bastard then her Jak wouldn't be so broken right now.

If only.

Thinking of this did no good; it didn't change what had happened and what was yet to happen. It just made Keira boil with rage and wish she could just somehow, somehow make it all go away. But it wasn't going to go away with a wish, with a prayer, the only way this would, could, get better was with time.

With time, love and patience…

"I want to go home," Jak mumbled, making Keira's heart break just that little more.

She sat up, resting her head on the palm of her hand and supporting herself with her elbow "Ok" she said, running soft fingers through his damp hair "I'll take you home."

(………………)

Razer, Shiv, Edje, Cutter…

They were all there, staring down at him. He lay sprawled on the cold, dirty ground, staring up at his rapists as they towered over him, making him feel weak and pathetic. Jak shrived in the cold, he wore no clothes, making him feel even more vulnerable then he did when dressed. Suddenly everything went dark. He was alone. Then the dim light returned and he found himself bound to Razer's bed.

He struggled against the binds, but to no avail. Razer's cold, cold body was pressed against his, his unwelcome hands roaming. The pain followed and Jak cried out. He screamed, he cried, he begged, he pleaded, but it was relentless.

"Jak!"

The pain dulled.

"Baby wake up."

Stormy blue eyes snapped open and Jak threw himself into a sitting position, his body wrecked with sobs. He struggled to take in much needed air as gagged on the bile that stung his throat. He forced down the hysterical sobs and willed himself to calm down. He felt the tears subdue and his breathing returned to slow shallow breaths.

"Jak?"

Jak looked to the worried she-elf, words lost. He allowed her to embrace him, her touch, her smell, made him relax, the haunting, taunting dream fading from his mind. He slowly pulled back, staring at the she-elf with unfocused eyes, "I just want to forget."

"I know Jak" Keira whispered "and I know that it's not fair that you have to keep having nightmares about what happened and it's not fair that you have to remember but" she let her forehead rest against his, their breath mingling "but you have to… it's just how it has to be."

Jak closed his eyes, forcing away the never-ending tears "I'm scared" a few tears fell, some of Jak's wall coming down with them "I… I never wanted to feel this scared again… I just want to feel safe…" tears of pent up pain, fear and sorrow cascaded down his face "I don't remember what it's like to feel truly safe." His body was wrecked with sobs and he clung to Keira like she was his life, but in many ways she was.

"I'm going to make you feel safe again Jak" Keira promised, fighting off her own tears and pain. "I'm going to do whatever it takes baby, I promise" she cupped his face with her hands and kissed him soft and tender on the lips. "I'll take you home and we'll get you well again, ok?"

Jak nodded, unable to speak through his tears.

"It's going to be ok" Keira slowly stood up "I'm going to make you something to eat" she brushed a few strands of hair away from his face before gentle easing him back against the pillows. "I'll be back in a sec." She gave him a quick kiss on the forehead before departing from the room.

Jak withdrew into the mattress, trying to just fade away from the world. He glanced at the clock, two-thirty, they'd be going back to Haven at four, but it felt like years away. He slowly pulled himself into a sitting position, wincing as he did so. He surveyed the room for unseen danger before rising to his feet, hating that even that hurt. Ignoring the pain he departed from the room and made his way to the kitchen to where Keira was.

"Can I… can I help, Keira?" he asked hesitantly. Keira looked at him, surprised, before nodding and smiling sweetly, knowing he needed a distraction.

"Could you get me some eggs from the fridge, bub?"

Jak nodded, a small genuine smile gracing his features at the use of the sweet pet name. As he looked away from his childhood friend the world started to spin, he tried to blink it away but to no avail. Before he could call to Keira everything went black.

(………………)

Daxter fidgeted on the hard chair. He grew impatient of waiting for the doctor that had been gone for what felt like hours. He jumped to his feet, scanning Haven city's hospital for the elderly doctor. He wanted to see Jak, he wanted to see his friend and look into his ocean blue eye and find that everything was ok. But right now, right this very second nothing, nothing was even close to being fucking ok. Everything was fucked!

Jak was sick, had been raped and more then once and oh they were poisoned. What a wonderful week, yeah right. Daxter flopped back down, grinding his teeth together in irritation. They'd been flown back to Haven city after Jak had fainted and that was hours ago, now, now Daxter had to wait in this stupid hospital for the stupid doctor who was taking fucking forever to tell him that his best friend was ok. Well its not as though Jak was ok, he wouldn't be ok for a while but he just needed to see him.

To know that he wasn't losing him…

He couldn't bear the thought of having Jak drift away into some fantasy world to escape the pain of his cruel life. It just wasn't fucking fair. Hadn't he been through enough? Did someone up there not care that Jak was suffering? Wouldn't somebody, anybody, just make this all go away? Couldn't someone just make everything ok? Didn't he deserve that?

"Dax."

Daxter raised his head to see Jak standing before him, looking desolated "Hey buddy" Daxter jumped onto his best friend shoulder, wishing for once that he could just carry Jak. He looked ready to collapse at any given minute. "Should you be out here?"

Jak shrugged "Staring at four walls is rather boring" he started to walk towards the cafeteria "I need a coffee."

"Um… so what was with the fainting spell?" Daxter asked, jumping down to the ground so he could walk beside his broken best friend.

"They said it's most likely just stress" Jak folded his arms over his chest, hunched his shoulders and lowered his gaze "they did some blood tests to make sure that everything was ok."

Daxter bounced back onto Jak's shoulder, offering what little comfort he could "You need to take it easy" he scowled "we'll go back to your place and get out some movies and just relax, k?"

Jak nodded, his stormy blue eyes scanned the cafeteria, looking for a place to sit that was away from everyone else. Finding a free booth in a small dark corner he walked briskly to it. Daxter noticed that as Jak sat down a fleeting glimpse of pain could be seen in his eyes, but he quickly hid it. Sitting down on the opposite seat, Daxter picked up the saltshaker and played absentmindedly with it.

"Did you ever expect life to be like this?" Jak asked, playing with his jacket sleeve.

"No" Daxter admitted, "I never once thought that I'd be short, fuzzy and sitting on my best friends shoulder but I wouldn't change it."

Jak looked up, for the first time in days his eyes returned to the ocean blue and a genuine smile graced his face "Me either."

Daxter was surprised by Jak choice; if Daxter were in Jak's shoes he would have liked to change his prison days to beautiful sunny days in Sandover and this current mess into… into something that didn't seem so fucked up. Daxter sighed, his body sagging under the weight of his heavy emotions. He would do anything to erase this mess from Jak's life.

"I wish I could make it all go away" Daxter said, looking up through his eyelashes "if I could… if there was a way… I would… I'd-" Daxter was silenced by Jak's large hand clamping over his mouth. The elf smiled at him, his eyes still bright but hints of pain and anguish were still visible.

"You don't have to change anything Dax" he removed his hand from Daxter's mouth and placed it on the side of his fuzzy company's face "You're here, you're making it better. That's all I need."

Daxter jumped up onto the table, "That's what the Daxternater is for!"

Jak shook his head, a smile on his face and for a fleeting moment everything was ok. Unfortunately it was only fleeting and an approaching elderly doctor, who wore a grim expression, was the reason for this.

"Jak" he said, voice soft, gentle and caring, unlike the Kras City doctors "you should be resting."

"I've done enough resting" he retorted.

The doctor sighed, his old face showing compassion. "Well at least accompany me back to my office. Your tests are back and we need to discus the results."

Daxter watched as Jak's ocean blue eyes returned to the stormy colour as fear masked his face "That bad, huh?"

The doctor bit his withered lip "Come along."

(………………)

Jak stepped into the doctor's office and the moment he was in he wanted to leave. The sickly smell of the cleaning products had him forcing down bile and the bright lights that hung from the ceiling reminded him of the ones in jail. He looked away from the too bright lights and took a seat on the deep red chair that stood before the doctor's metal desk. He sat down carefully, annoyed that the pain was relentless and even more irritated as the doctor gave him a concerned look. The last thing he wanted was someone poking and prodding him down there.

The doctor sat down on his chair, rested his arms on the desk and folded his hands together as he fixed Jak with a steady gaze. Jak shifted uncomfortably under the doctor's gaze, he felt Daxter pat his shoulder reassuringly and he felt himself relax, slightly.

"Well doc, are you gonna tell us the news or what?" Daxter asked, being Jak's voice.

"Well I have good and bad news…"

"Just give it to me straight" Jak said bleakly.

"Your blood tests are fine, save for your stress level," the doctor said levelly.

"And you couldn't tell me that before why?"

"This is a sensitive subject, Jak. I need time to explain it to you-"

"-Explain what?" Jak interrupted, his anger flaring "I've been raped, there's not much more to explain."

"See, Jak, your anger is why I felt this needed to be discussed in private."

Jak lowered his eyes, not wanting to look at the doctor any longer "Don't I have a right to be angry?"

"I'm not saying you don't have the right, Jak, by all means, if you weren't angry, frankly I'd be worried about you, but you need a way to let your anger out in a constructive, controlled manner."

"I'm not really in the constructive mood, doc" he said, stormy blue locking with hazel "I know you're just trying to help me but I don't need it… I just want to go home" his voice started to tremor as he spoke, a strange sensation of sorrow replacing his anger.

"Very well" the Doctor said with a sigh "but I'd like you to take this" he reached into his labcoat's pocket and retrieved a small business card "This man is psychologist and if you need to talk to him, about anything at all, you can feel free to give him a call and he'll schedule you in."

Jak took the card and studied it "I don't need to talk to some stranger about what happened" he said bitterly but pocketed the card anyway "I'll be fine, thanks" Jak turned away from the doctor and headed to the door. As soon as the mental door had opened he saw Keira, looking up at through anguished eyes. "Keira?"

"Jak they know."

"Know what?" he asked, lowering himself so he was closer to her face.

"They know Razer's dead."


End file.
